


Broken Lovers

by buckyswifey



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Marriage, Smut, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 25,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24555850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyswifey/pseuds/buckyswifey
Summary: (This is read from your point of view but the characters name is Elizabeth but feeling free to use your own)You and Bucky have a similar past, is that why you bond? You don't know but you like it.
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/OFC, Peter Parker/Original Female Character(s), Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, wanda maximoff/ofc
Kudos: 8





	1. Backstory

You had a similar backstory of Natasha and Bucky, you were a trained assassin. You remember it all too clearly...You were 17, had your life and dreams ahead of you but then war broke out and you wanted to fight. You joined and were trained, but your commanding officer decided you would be better in a...different position.  
A spy, you traveled the world and wiped out enemys and no one would know what happened. You were winning the war, it was almost over. You had a mission to go to Sicily and terminate a wealthy business man supplying the Silcian mafia with endless weapons. Everything was going great, until it wasn't.  
It was like every other mission but of course something went wrong. You woke up in a strange room and from that day on you were brain washed, tortured and forced to kill people that were once your allies. But one day you were given a kill order to terminate "James Barnes" aka "The Winter Soldier".  
You remember having Barnes between your thighs in a choke hold about to finish the job before you were shot with a dart and woke up in the Avenger tower with nurses and the man you were trying to kill. Your mind started to come back and you began to work with the Avengers, now one of them. You and Bucky seemed to form some sort of bond.  
It could've been the similarity of your pasts but you became friends. And you were glad for that.


	2. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of Bucky feels chapter but chill chill there will be *BAD* stuff later just enjoy the fluff children

After you "came back" as you were free from Sicily's version of Hydra, you became Bucky's friend, granted you and him weren't as close as him and Steve once were.  
You and Bucky began hanging out more, you would go to the gym together and practice sparring and always one of you would mention the "old times" of when you first fought. He began to join you and Wanda and Morgan when you guys watched movies every Friday, he sat next to you everytime but there was always a large enough space between you, you noticed as the days went on he got closer until he was right beside you. You didn't mind it though. He would always get up around the same time you did, so you would have company while you are breakfast. At first he didn't talk much, but he began to open up and so did you.   
You enjoyed his company but you didn't really think it was more then just friends. 

You were waken by a scream from down the hall. Bucky's name flashed through you mind quickly and you pulled on some shorts and rushed down to his room.  
"Bucky? It's me Elizabeth, are you ok?" You whispered loudly enough where you knew he could hear you. All you heard back was the quiet sound of him crying into his hands. Your heart wrenched and you walk over and sat beside him and told him you were here just in case he didn't know.   
You hesitantly moved your hand to his back and began to rub his shoulders, as Wanda had done for you the first few weeks of when you had nightmares. Bucky's crying began to fade and he looked up at you and you could see the pain in his eyes, it made you feel like you had to protect him, always.   
You opened you arms in a hug and he slowly leaned in. He didn't say much, just appreciated the hug. "Better?" You asked. He just nodded against your shoulder and hugged you ever so tighter.   
This was a side of Bucky you had never seen, and your heart beated faster against your will. After a few mintues of staying like that, you let go and looked at his now tired eyes. You smiled a small little smile and began to get up. "Stay?" He finally spoke.   
You turned back and nodded and laid beside him, you had to admit it was nice, you felt safer now that there was a warm arm around your torso. You stayed awake until you heard the soft snoring of Bucky and then finally you drifted to sleep.


	3. A Different Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I decided I wanted to switch up the point of view and change you to "I" also there is a part from Bucky's point of view. Also a longer chapter, enjoy !
> 
> "Alot happened in only 24 hours, I saw a new side to Bucky and I wanted to see more?"

-You finally drifted off to sleep.

Bucky's pov-  
I woke up and noticed a sleeping Elizabeth, last night started replaying in my head, she hugged me and stayed with me. It made me feel almost human. She looked so peaceful and I smiled remembering how she always looked like she was ready for a fight. I watched her for a bit as I decided whether to wake her up or not. I decided to let her sleep and got ready. I went back to the bedroom to her still sleeping. I was scared, scared of having a nightmare and hurting her. I was so distracted I didnt hear her say my name.

"Bucky are you ok?" He let the question hang in the air. I inched closer to him and he jerked away. "Bucky, what's wrong?" I said with a sense of urgency as I was now worried.  
"I don't want to hurt you." He quietly said. I looked at him and then decided to hug him again, his face in my most likely mess of a hair. "I don't want to hurt you." He repeated. I thought for a moment. "You aren't going to hurt me, you won't." He nodded once. Everything felt so different just a week ago him and I had never touched him but now over the span of a night we had hugged twice and slept together. Usually that would have been...well normal but Bucky and I weren't "normal" in any sense of the word. But now I felt something new and I wanted to always be there for him.  
"Elizabeth?" Bucky said, breaking the silence, I nodded. "Do you want to go eat or something? I mean you must be hungry, right?" I smiled and breathed out a simple "yes".  
We stopped by my room so I could change, I quickly got ready and we went down to the dinning area of the town to see Morgan and Wanda coloring and eating waffles. Wanda looked up and us and pointed to the kitchen with her mouth full, "waffles..in there." I chuckled a bit and told them both goodmorning. Morgan looked up from her drawing. "Did you and Bucky have a sleepover?" For some reason those simple words made my cheeks light up and I nodded a yes and followed Bucky into the kitchen and heard Morgan and Wanda giggling. I looked up at Bucky and saw him looking at me, and he looked away quickly. I suddenly had a surge of confidence.  
"Whatcha looking at Barnes?" I said as I felt my mouth quirk up in a smile.  
"Wha-at?" That was the first time I heard Bucky stutter over his words, and it wouldn't be the last time either


	4. Should I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I had a lot of ideas I wanted to but decided to pick a few, sorry for that wait! Enjoy!
> 
> After last night you were confused at what I felt, should I keep coming?

-Bucky and I went back to the table with Wanda and Morgan with our plates. They were giggling and whispering about something and then they noticed me and Bucky.   
"Oh hi, guys...Guess what?" Wanda said. I nodded at her, waiting for a answer.   
"Thor's coming to visit!" Morgan blurted out. My eyes widen, I missed Thor, its been awhile since I've seen him, since he's been with the Guardians.  
"Wow that's great!" I said loudly causing Bucky to drop his fork making us all laugh. Morgan's eyes got bigger along with her smile. Oh no, we all knew that look.  
"We can have a pool party! Mommy I mean Pepper to you guys, installed some things in the Tower pool. Out the corner of my eye I saw Bucky tense up. I would ask him about that later. Morgan and Wanda got up and went to Morgan's room to "plan". I was happy for Wanda, ever since Vision died, she has been lonely, and she talked about wanting a kid frequently and well there was Morgan, of course Pepper cared but she was busy alot running Stark Industries so I couldn't blame her. They left Bucky and I in silence.  
"So...the "pool party?" I finally spoke, breaking the quiet. Bucky sighed heavily and nodded.   
"I'm going to the gym, I'll see you later Elizabeth" Bucky said quietly and left.  
"What was that?" I said more to my self then anyone. I got up and got the plates and took them to sink and told Friday to have them washed, and I left to go change, to join Bucky at the gym. I changed into a pair of black leggings and a black sports bra and put on some tennis shoes.   
As I was walking down to the gym I could hear a whining sound coming from within the gym. Not a sound being made from a person but a sound being made from a piece of metal. I step inside to seeing the punching bag flying and hitting the wall and breaking open, sand spilling out.  
"Well Barnes you broke another one." I said with my hand on my hip. He looked over at me, at his eyes widened at my attire. I quirked a eyebrow. I decided I should actually do something instead of just staring at him so I walk over to the yoga mats to do some stretching. I could feel Bucky's eyes on me.  
"Whatcha looking at Barnes?" I said without turning back. I heard a rustle and then a thud and a grunt. I turned around to see Bucky laying on the ground having tripped over a punching bag. I tried to stifle the laugh coming with little success. I walked over to help Bucky help and nodded at him and left. As soon as I was out of the room I laughed until my stomach cramped. 

Night was approaching and I watched as Bucky grew tense as we ate dinner. I wondered if I should come to his room tonight, before I could ask Bucky got up and left with out a word. Something was definitely going on.  
"Wanda, Morgan I'm going to turn in early, I love you guys." I said with my eyes on the door. They nodded with their mouths full. I walked up to my room and changed into just a pair of shorts and a sports bra and sat on my bed. Should I check on Bucky? I pondered that in my head before dragging my self out of bed and putting on a big t shirt, it could have been Steves? I don't know, he was gone anyway. I slowly walked to Bucky's room and pushed open the door quietly.  
"Bucky?" I whispered.  
"Yes, Elizabeth?" He replied. I paded over to his bed and sat bedside him and looked up at him.   
"Do you want me to stay again?" I said. He nodded and sighed. I waited for him to lie down and I laid beside holding my breath.   
"Can I hold you?" Bucky said quietly. I almost choked but nodded and we ended up with our wrapped around each other and again I waited till he was asleep before drifting off.

I woke up and wiped the sleep out of my eyes and turned to Bucky side, he wasn't there. I heard the water in the bathroom and decided to go get changed and cleaned up and come back. I hurried to my room and threw on a cropped black shirt and some black sweat pants. I washed my face and brushed through my hair. Once I decided I look ok enough I went back to Bucky's room just in time to hear him cut of the water. I fixed the bed while I waited. It was the least I could do, as I was sleeping in here. I looked at my phone and decided to text Bruce, he hasn't left the lab in days, good thing he has a room down there. I chuckled to my self, he probably wont answer for a couple of hours anyway.  
"What's is it?" Bucky said cause me almost fall off the bed in surprise. I should've heard him come in for one, spies can't just be oblivious, I brushed it off my shoulder and gestured to my phone.   
"I texted Bruce but you know him, he probably won't answer." I finally answered. He sat down beside me and looked at me for a bit before opening his mouth.  
"I want to say thank you, thank you for staying with me, I haven't been able to sleep like that for a long time." He said and then smiled. He was so beautiful when he smiled, his eyes crinkled up at the side and he looked so carefree. It made me smile. I noticed we got closer until there was a few inches between our faces. I decided to do something, it could go wrong or right.   
Should I?  


I kissed him.


	5. Pool Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of my last cliff hanger I decided to add some s p i c y n e s s :;)
> 
> Was it a mistake?

-I kissed him.

He jerked back and instantly I regretted it. I looked up at him and saw his now dark eyes only for a second before he leaned forward and kissed me back, with such force that my back hit the headboard, it didn't hurt, I was much more preoccupied to care anyway. He tangled his right hand in my hair, his left arm holding his self up. It felt like a dream, was Bucky really kissing me? I wasted no time pulling him closer to my chest and tangling my own hand in his hair and tugging gently, earning a groan from the man above me. My unoccupied hand went to his shirt gripping the red fabric between my fingers.   
We finally pulled away for air, my chest heaving and I looked over to Bucky to see that I had the same effect upon him. He looked back up at me with a look on his face I'd never seen before on him, a mix between embarrassment and "hunger".  
"I haven't kissed anyone in a long time" Bucky said quietly, his face visibly redder then before.   
"Same" I breathed out, still trying to catch my breath.   
"Can I kiss you again?" Bucky asked causing me almost choke on air. I nodded. I waited, I understood that Bucky probably needed to take this at his own pace because of the time and his own fears. He shifted his weight till he was seated between my legs, my back still against the headboard. He leaned forward and kissed me once again, his left arm gripping the headboard, I knew why, I pulled and looked up at him to see his eyes full of worry.  
"Bucky, you won't hurt me, I trust you-" I remained looking at him while I took his metal arm and placed it against my hip. "-You won't hurt me, I know you won't." I leaned up and pulled his face to mine and kissed him resuming what we had started. His other hand cradled my cheek as one of my hands tangled in his hair once again, tugging slightly to hear the same sound from him, a moan coming from my own mouth surprising me and Bucky who in turned moaned into my mouth. I slide my other hand down to the hem of his shirt, testing the waters, I slide my hand underneath waiting for his reaction, he tensed up but only for a second as I kissed him back, harder. I pressed my hand flat against the toned skin underneath his shirt. His metal hand gripped my thigh harder, mostly likely leaving bruises but it didn't matter, only he did. He got more sure of himself and Bucky kissed down my neck, all thoughts of the pool party leaving my brain. 

*tap tap* "Uncle Bucky? Have you seen Miss Elizabeth?? Also are you getting ready for the pool party?"   
Morgan's high pitched voice coming from the other side of the door snapped us out of the kiss. Bucky backed up rapidly until he fell off the bed, causing a loud thud to echo through the room. Morgan bust in.  
"Bucky are you ok?!" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me. "Are you and Bucky getting ready together or something?".   
Thank the gods for her innocent mind. I nodded a quick yes and helped Bucky up.  
"Oh well can I help you pick out your bathing suit, Elizabethhh??" Morgan asked looking up at me with puppy eyes. I groaned.   
"Of course, I need some fashion help." I looked at Morgan knowingly, she grinned and grabbed my hand, leading me out of Bucky's room. I took another look at Bucky and blushed, his lips were swollen and red and his hair was a mess.   
"See ya later Barnes." I tried to say as calmly as possible.

After about 20 minutes Morgan and I agreed on a black swimsuit with high waisted bottoms and a top with a scoop neck line. I put it on and turned in the mirror, my eyes wandered to the scar on my ribcage from previous missions and then to the light finger marks on my thigh, I hurried and grabbed a black bathing suit covering and grabbed my sunglasses, phone and sunscreen and ushered Morgan out and shut the door behind me. We turned back to Bucky's room and I knocked, twice.   
"Bucky you ready?" I said loudly. I turned to Morgan.  
"Wait omg go check on Wanda and make sure she has a fashionable outfit on, I'll wait for Bucky." Morgan nodded rapidly and rushed down the hall.   
Bucky probably was thinking about his arm, he hated being shirtless or anything that showed his arm. I opened the door to see Bucky sitting on the bed looking out the window. I set my stuff down and sat beside him, his eyes looking over me and doing a double take on my attire and quickly looked back away.  
"Come on Buck, you gotta go." I stood up and walked towards his closet in search of swimming trunks. I walked to his dresser and pulled open the top one...which was his underwear drawer, I slamed it back into place so hard it shook. I felt like a teenager. After a couple minutes if searching I found a black pair of swimming trucks with red and silver hemming. I folded them in my arms and shut his closet doors.   
Bucky sat looking at me for a moment.  
"Where's the shirt" He asked. I tossed the shorts to him and sat beside him.  
"Bucky your arm isn't anything to be ashamed of or anything, it's a part of you we all love just as much as we love the rest of you." He pondered this for a moment and got up and went to the bathroom to change. I sat on the edge of the bed waiting. I looked out the window to see Wanda moving coolers and pool toys with her power while Morgan jumped up and down. My phone vibrated twice and I opened it to see a text from Sam : "Heyy, I'll be there in a bit and also how's our favorite metal armed man?". I smiled and replied quickly as the door opened. 

To say I was shocked or "weak in the knees" was a understatement. Bucky in general was beautiful but Bucky *shirtless* was a masterpiece, the way his stomach was toned and his...  
I snapped my eyes up to his and cleared my throat and walked over to him. I reached my hand out hesitantly, my fingers traces over the scars on his torso, his hands found my ribcage, where my most visible scar laid. My fingers traced up to his where his metal arm joined his shoulders, the flesh scarred. He breathed heavily waiting for my response.  
"Your beautiful..all of you." I whispered out. He released a breath I didn't know he was holding. My hand found his and tugged him out the door. I squeezed Bucky's hand to reassure him. It was going to be ok, he didn't need to feel afraid.  


"Bucky! My man as much as I don't want to admit it you look good, I think I need to work out more...and Elizabeth damn girl.." Bucky's hand tightened against mine, while Sam laughed. I missed Sam, he was always complimenting everyone and just spreading love. Clint would be here any minutes with the kids so Morgan would have someone to play with.   
Lighting cracked against the sky and we all knew what that meant.  
"Good day everyone! How I've missed you all!" Thors cheerful voice thundered. 

Bucky had yet to get in the water and I had a plan.   
"Hey Buck?" I grabbed his arm and tugged him to the pool edge with his back facing the water, he eyes widened and switched us and tried to push me in. I hooked my foot around his ankle causing him to fall along with me. We swam to the top.  
"You think that's funny?" Bucky said as he picked me up and tossed me into the deeper end of the pool.   
"Chicken Fight!" Morgan screamed.  
"What?" Thor and Bucky said in unison. Morgan and I explained the game and we picked our team team mates, Morgan on Wandas shoulders and Lila on Clints shoulders, we watched the kids play until they decided they wanted us to play. Sam just sat and recorded it all. Wanda on Thor's shoulders, Me on Bucky's shoulders. I lost the first round, it was hard to concentrate with Bucky's hands gripping my thighs. I remembered Wanda had a ticklish spot and I grabbed her side's and tickled her until she fell backwards. 

After of a few more hours everyone left the pool except Bucky and I. Everyone else was inside trying Morgan's newest cooking creation. Bucky swam up beside me.   
"Elizabeth, I know it's all been moving very fast between us but please, please don't leave me."


	6. Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -please don't leave. A date and a mission what could go wrong.

"-please don't leave me." 

I wouldn't ever, now that I might just have him. I mean it was no big secret I had a crush on the super soldier, Bucky might have been the last on to realize.   
I held his face in my hands, he was right, it was moving fast but I wouldn't change it for the world. We are constantly fighting and losing things that are important to us, and if I can have him even just for a moment I would take it.   
"I will never." I said reassuringly. He smiled and again I felt my heart swell. 

We said our goodbyes to Sam, Clint, Lila and Thor, and got ready for bed, the tower quieting down for the night. I waited until Wanda and Morgan were asleep to go to Bucky's room. I knocked quietly and walked in to see Bucky, shirtless, watching something on the tv. Well atleast he was comfortable but I had a feeling I would be...mildly distracted. I sat beside him and he smiled, that smile. It was going to be the death of me, maybe literally, time has yet to tell.   
"What are you watching?" "Something called Wynonna Earp apparently she hunts down demons or something." Bucky confirmed. I settled in beside him and continued watching it with him. 

After a few hours we put on a movie and just sat and talked. We moved until Bucky was laying against my chest and arms around me, while my hands played with his hair. It would so cute in a little bun, I chuckled to my self. I turned my attention to the tv, where the main characters were confessing their love. If it was only that easy. The characters "Will" and "Lily" were going on a date now, giving me a idea.   
"Buck when's the last time you've been on a date?" I asked.  
"Uh in June of 1943.." Bucky said into my shirt embarrassed. I laughed and twirled his hair between my fingers.   
"Lets change that, tomorrow since we have a free day lets go somewhere...a date." I said, he hummed in approval before falling asleep. I was glad he could sleep so easily now. I fell asleep soon after.

"Wake up Barnes, we have a date to go toooo!" I said as I gently shook Bucky awake.  
"A date?" Bucky said groggily.   
"Yes get up old man." I said and got out of bed. "I'm going to go get ready, I'll come back in like 30 mintues." I stated as he got up and brushed through his hair with his fingers.  
After I got back to my phone I messaged Wanda and asked her to come up to my room to help me. After a couple mintues the door opened with a Wanda holding a bunch of bags and hair tools. I groaned.   
"You knew? I mean of course you knew, but help me now please." I said with a smile as she sat everything down and looked over me clicking her tounge in disapproval.   
"No no, go take a shower right now, do every thing EVERY thing." She said before plopping down in my bed and switching on the tv. I grabbed my phone and went to fulfill the order Captain Wanda gave me, rolling my eyes. After about ten mintues, I smelled of strawberry and vanilla. I dried off and went back to the bedroom, Wanda eyes looking me up and down.  
"Sit." Wanda commanded and I complied, laughing. 20 mintues later, my hair was flat ironed and smooth, with simple makeup.   
"Hmm, time for a outfit." Wanda said more to herself then to me. She pulled open her bag, pulling out another suggestive bag. She pulled out some "underclothes".  
"Absolutely not, no no. Put that away." I said rolling my eyes as Wanda doubled over with laughter. "Besides Bucky is "old fashioned, he came from the 40s, you seem to forget that, its not like he's just going to-" I said turning to my dresser leaving the question in the air. Wanda sifted through my clothes before pulling a dark brown leather jacket off a hanger and tossing it on the bed.  
"Your wearing that, no questions." Wanda said before continuing looking through my clothes. I pulled out a black pair of jeans and a loose white t shirt out, ignoring Wanda disapproving look and going to go change.  
"Well it's not that bad..." Wanda said slowly, picking out some simple jewelry. 

"Yea, definitely not the worse...next time your wearing red." Wanda said nodding.   
"Fine fine, if there is even a next time Wanda." I said laughing before putting on some perfume. I looked over my self in the mirror before grabbing some combat styled boots. "Thanks for the help Wanda." I said hugging her goodbye and grabbing my phone and wallet. 

I walked into Bucky's room, there was a bang in the bathroom.   
"Um for a super soldier and super assassin you are very clumsy." I said with my hand on my hip. Bucky just looked at me from the ground. "I assume your not going to tell me why your on the floor" He shook his head. "Well are you almost ready?" Bucky looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a black shirt under a red henley and a jacket, jeans and a hat. "You know you don't have to be undercover and you look great, let's gooo-" He nodded and we left the tower.

We walked down the street for a couple of blocks. Bucky kept looking around, he was probably nervous, since he doesn't really leave except for missions. I took his left hand in mine and continued walking, ignoring his questionable look.

  
We arrived at our first destination: a coffee shop, pretty cliche but it was fine.   
"Have you ever been to a coffee shop?" He shook his head and I looked over the menu and ordered two normal vanilla coffees and we left, on the way to the next place. "Do you like it?" I asked.  
"Yes, they didn't have this in the 40s and its not like hydra was offering coffee." Bucky chuckled lightly and took another sip. I took him to a flower garden walk through Pepper had bought a couple of years ago for I and Wanda. Music played softly from the speakers. I set our coffees down on a bench and took Bucky's hand.   
"Whens the last time you've danced Barnes?"  
"Not in a long time." Bucky answered.   
"We are gonna have to change that." I said.  
We slowly danced in circles to the music. I wanted this to last. We don't get this all the time, not when you have to get up and pack your bags, save the world, run away, always running away from everything, always running. Running from Hydra, it doesn't end. It makes you appreciate every moment you get. Every smile, every laugh. Every person because one day they might be gone. Before you can tell them you love them...

We stayed like that for a while. My head was against his chest, his chin on the top my head. Sometimes I don't think its fair for him to be that tall honestly.   
Bucky pulled away much to my dismay at the moment. But it was all resolved when he kissed me.

A few hours later we got back to the tower. Everyone else was asleep, I would tell Morgan and Wanda about everything tomorrow. I got ready for bed before heading to Bucky's room. 

We watched a movie and talked some more, he told me all about the 40s and how every night before he left for the war he took a girl named "Dot" and her friend dancing. Did I get jealous? Yes. Was it reasonable? Yes. We got back into our now deemed sleeping position with him laying on my chest. We ended up falling asleep for a few hours before an alarm went off calling us to the meeting room.  
"Sam this better be good, I swear to god.." I said before sitting next to Bucky. I looked around the room and noticed it was just Bucky, Sharon, Hill and me. I groaned knowing it was a stealth mission.   
"Mhm. While Agent Carter was in Romania on a under cover mission, she found out the Zemo was at work again and has stolen the tessaract. Why can't they pick something else seriously." Sam handed us folders containing everything we needed to know. "Elizabeth, you and Bucky will be dealing with recovering the stolen item, we believe the building is heavily protecting. That shouldn't be a problem for either of you." I nodded. "Sharon and Maria will be standing by for backup and will be telling you the best way in. I nodded again and went to pack my bags.

8 hours later we arrived at a safe house, luckily on the QuinnJet we all were able to get some sleep. I already hated it. Zemo already hurt Bucky before, what if it was his main game, to get Bucky again. I couldn't think about that. I checked all my guns and knives and put in the mic. 

Bucky and I had split up to cover more ground, to get out of here faster.   
"Bucky, are you finding anything?" I asked into the mic.  
"No..wait I think!- *static*" Bucky's mic cut off and I started panicking. They had him. I had to find him. If they made him winter soldier mode, he could be stuck like that for at 12 hours minimum and the only way to keep him at bay when that happened was putting him under cyro and I wasn't letting that happen again. I found the camera room and took everyone out quickly. I looked through the camera until I found Bucky. They had him locked up again. They were going to do it again. I was going throw up, my head hurt, I couldn't think about anything but him. They doors were locked shut and the only way in was...vents. Of course vents. He was only three rooms away. I looked around and found the air-vent. I climbed up on the desk and opened it as quietly as possible. It was dark and small. I always hated small spaces. I tried to stay quite and follow Zemos voice until I was right above him. He was right under the vent. I could take him out, no problem. The problem was the 6 armed guards. I quietly pulled out a compact grenade and and pushed it through the openings and jumped through. I took them all out, well I thought I did. I worked on opening the box they but Bucky in, since it was soundproof I didn't hear him yelling about the guy behind me until it was too late. I felt a pain in my stomach and grabbed my side, before taking care of the man. I held my side as I unlocked Bucky's shackles. 

"Come on we got to get you out of he-". I said before blacking out.


	7. Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is alot of angst sorry :)
> 
> "Please don't leave me."

I never thought about dying. Even though I'm always surrounded about it. I thought about losing other people but never thought about my self. If when it was in my face, everyone else mattered. I found a family, I found a reason to stay alive and fight for them. Even when I was looking death in the face I thought of Morgan's laughter, Wanda's paprikash she makes when ever we are sad, Sam's loving personality, Thor's hugs. Bucky. It was always Bucky. I remember when I finally came around, his blue eyes were the first thing that caught my attention. I knew it was dangerous being close to him. We could be hunted down at any moment. It could all end without any rhyme or reason. I realize that now. If I ever got another chance, I would tell them all how much they meant to me.

-Bucky's pov-  
Its my fault. Its always my fault. Anyone close to me dies. I accepted it a long time ago, that I would never be happy. Elizabeth made me believe that I could be happy again, she made me feel human. I let her get close to me and now she's in the ICU part of the tower. She's been in there for over 8 hours. She's going to die. Elizabeth is going to die and its my fault. It was stupid of me to think that it would last. That I could have her and be happy and it would work.

"Agent Barnes, she's stable, she should be waking up soon, with the help of the serum she has she should make a full recovery." Bruce said wiping his glasses leaving the door open for me. It wasn't true. Was it?  
I walked in quietly and saw her. Hooked up to all of these things, a breathing mask, stomach all wrapped up. It broke me more then I thought. I sat next to her and held onto her hand, drawing circles on her palm with my thumb.  
"Please wake-up, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please don't leave me, you promised...you made me feel like a person again. I'd be even more lost without you. Please don't leave me Elizabeth, I- I swear to love you all my life just come back to me." It all spilled it out and I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes and all I saw was her, them taking her away on a table, her bleeding. Her passing out next to me. I saw Maria and Hill give Elizabeth compressions and trying to stop the bleeding on the jet while I just stood there. I didn't know what to do. Maybe if I did she would be awake right now. If, "if" Elizabeth ever woke up I would leave, leave to keep her safe.

I opened my eyes. Everything was hurting. It was hard to breathe, I reached up to pull off a breathing mask. The irony. I blinked a few times amd everything started to sink in, I could hear and see again. I heard a faint yell before it seemed like a million people came in and started working around me. It was all in slow motion. I blacked out again.  
When I woke up again, it was quiet and once again I had to take off the mask, before a hand reached up to stop mine. I turned to the side and saw him. Bucky. I thought I wouldn't see him again. I breathed heavily, coughing, making the pain in my side more noticeable. I clutched my side and waved his hands away as I sat up. Bucky sat back down silently, just watching me as I took out all of the needles.  
"Can you hand me my clothes?" Bucky looked ahead and handed them to me. I pulled on my pants and pulled on my shirt over my head.  
"You could've died. It's all my fault." Bucky said solemnly.  
"What no-"  
"Yes, yes you could've died. And its my fault. I let you put yourself in danger. I can't keep doing that!" Bucky said before storming out. No, no. I tried to ignore the the blinding pain in my side as I followed him out in the hallway.  
"Bucky stop! Where the hell are you going?" I said as calmly as possible.  
"Do you have idea how hard it was to watch you! Watch you get shot and then almost bleed to death in front of me! I almost let you die. I put you in danger and I'm not doing it again. I have to leave Elizabeth." I felt like I was going to pass out again. My head pounded. What is he talking about, no this is a dream. No this is hell. I couldn't stop the tears. I haven't cried since the first night here.  
"No! You can't! You can't just do that! You can't just make someone fall in love with you and leave. You can't just run away forever. Yes, I almost died. I know that! But I did it because I couldn't just watch you get hurt again!" I watched as Bucky's face contorted into a mix of hurt and broken. "Please don't leave me Bucky. I knew how dangerous it was to fall in love but I did. Please don't break my heart. I already know we might already broken but that's all I have left. I got this family and it made it all matter. Bucky please..." My knees buckled and I hit the floor, the last thing I saw is Bucky pulling me into his chest.

I woke up much later, but Bucky wasn't there. I started panicking and I looked around and my eyes landed on a paper. I opened it and it read: "I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me one day. I love you." My heart dropped. My chest started hurting. It was hard to breathe. 

Bucky was gone.


	8. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bucky was gone"

-Bucky was gone.

I laid on Bucky's bed looking out the window. I drifted to sleep just to be reminded with the nightmares and Bucky's disappearance. I woke up screaming and in a cold sweat. I had been doing that a lot lately.   
"Elizabeth?" Wanda sat next to me and took my hand and brushed my hair out of my face. "I know it hurts, I know it does but it's been 4 months...you need to get your self together again, I'm sorry but you need to get over him." Wanda said softly.  
"I can't. Why did he leave, I thought he care. Why won't it stop hurting?" I said my voice breaking. "What if he's hurt? What if he's...dead?" I said shakily the panic building up in my chest. Wanda smiled sadly at me before kissing me on the cheek.   
"I don't know love."   
"I need to find him...now." I said pulling the covers off. Wanda frowned.  
"Absolutely not, you haven't trained in 4 months, you can't go!"  
"I need to." I said grabbing a bag.  
"I'm sorry Elizabeth..." Wanda said as I saw red light before passing out.

"God damn it Wanda." I rubbed my eyes. "Guess I'll go to training today." I got ready and headed down to the gym. I stretched and went over to the punching bag and I thought of every thing that has made me sad or mad, most of my thoughts of Bucky. The punching bag flew off the hook and into the wall. Wanda was right, channeling worked...well that and super soldier serum. I picked up the bag and hung up back up, glad to see my skills haven't faded. I spent a few more hours in the gym before heading back to my room and I took a shower. I changed into some simple black jeans and a red shirt with some boots before heading down to the my old office. I pulled up a map and try to mark out places Bucky wouldn't be. England, Germany, Russia was off the list from the start: to close to Hydra. My eyes wandered over to the smaller countries. Romania. He was there, he always returned there and most likely he visited the building I got shot at to torture his self. I knew him and I knew he was there. I already knew what city and I could figure out where he stayed once I was there.   
I started packing, I packed some clothes, money, and just what ever I needed before grabbing a duffel bag and heading to the armory, loading up on what guns, ammo, knives I needed, I grabbed my fake passports and ids and stuffed them in my bag. I looked around, I decided I should write a note for Wanda amd Morgan even though Wanda proably already knew I would leave.  
"Jarvis take me to Romania, Bucharest."  
"Of course Miss Elizabeth, secure your seatbelt." I laid back and tried to get some sleep and clear my head before I got there.  
I woke up some time later, the sun rising. "Jarvis how long until we meet our destination?"  
"16 more hours." I looked around and decided to get something to eat out of the jet food storage. I took a sip of water and pulled up my laptop and looked up any news articles from Bucharest recently that could tie to Bucky. Thank Tony for putting Wi-Fi on here. I couldn't, he had been laying low. I decided to look around, this was the old Quinnjet. I wandered into Steves old rooms and looked around, a photo catching my eye. A picture of Bucky smiling. I smiled, trying to hold in the tears. I put it in my pocket and left.   
I sat in the pilot chamber and just looked at the sky. I hated feeling weak. I hated crying. I was supposed to be strong. But maybe it's ok let your guard down with the right person.  
"Jarvis, how many more hours?"   
"8 more hours ma'am, you should "freshen up" and rest before we arrive" I went and found the bathroom and took a shower. I would be seeing him soon. What would he say? Would he even be alive? Would he run again? I tried to push these thoughts out of my head, I couldn't think off that. I got out and dried off and went to lay down. I faintly remembered Romania, I remember having a mission, I had been taught the language but I doubt it was still great, hopefully enough for people to understand. I thought of Bucky most of the night before finally falling asleep. I just wanted to feel again. Feel him, see his smile. 

"Ma'am, we will arrive in 1 hour. Should I land off grid?" Jarvis's voice woke me.  
"Uh yes, also can you unlock the vehicles room?"   
"Of course, it is now open." I walked over to my bags and made sure everything was loaded and pulled out my passports and ideas just in case I was pulled over. I went to the vehicles room, just motorcycles, the Avengers loved those. I looked around and found a plain black one. I grabbed some gasoline and filled up the tank and picked up the keys.  
I changed into some jeans, boots, a brown leather jacket, and a black cap and some sunglasses. I waited for the landing.

"Lock up the plane and turn on camouflage Jarvis." I said before putting my bags on the motorcycle. I had awhile to go until I was in the main point of Bucharest. A hour or so later I reached the capital. I looked around the the town before checking into a motel at the edge of the town. Luckily my rusty Romanian was enough.  
I put my bags up in my room before heading back into the market place. I kept my eyes open for Bucky. I walked around the food stands before a blue hat and shoulder long hair caught my eye. I looked him up and down, his back to me. And on his left hand? A glove. It was Bucky.   
I bought some plums keeping my eyes on Bucky. Bucky was beginning to leave, my only choice was to follow him. I followed him to a different motel on the edge of the town. I waited a couple mintues before heading in the building after him. I waited in the lobby until I saw him go up the 7th floor. I rushed up to the stairs and right as I got up there he went into room 713. I couldn't believe it. He was here, I tried to slow my breathing. I brushed my hair out of my face and knocked on the door.

"Elizabeth?"


	9. Bucky The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda angsty kinda smutty sorry :)))

Bucky's pov

"Elizabeth?"

She found me and when I saw I forgot everything, I forgot why I ran. That is until her face became a mix of anger and sadness. I shut the door in her face and locked it, a choice I would always regret but I had to get keep her safe. I grabbed my bags and started packing.  
"Bucky open the god damn door, do not make me ask again." Elizabeth's voice came from outside the door. I didnt answer and grabbed my bads and went the window before the door flew off the hinges. I turned slowly to see Elizabeth standing right in front of me obviously not happy. Before I could say anything she pulled my face to hers and kissed me. Maybe that's when I really forgot everything but her.

I was mad, beyond mad but I kissed him, it had been to long since I had done that. I pulled away after a moment and my eyes saw his bags and then my anger re-lit.   
"Why? Why would you do that? You made me promise not to leave but then you left me, what kind of irony is that?" I said jabbing my finger in his chest. He just looked at me sadly. "No I want you to answer, I let my self be vulnerable for you and then you fucking left."   
"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be safe, safe from me. After you got shot I realized it was my fault, I went there knowing Zemo would try something. I'm sorry..." Bucky said looking at the ground.  
"You still left me, that was fucking rude."   
"Really? I was worried about you, how about you not get fucking shot again." Bucky said stalking closer to me. "Next time be god damn careful, and stop putting your self in danger!" I looked up at him, his chest heaving.   
"I'd rather see your chest heaving because of something I did or above me." My eyes widen as I realized what I said. He stopped, and looked at me. No going back now. "You heard me Barnes." He closed the distance within seconds. This kiss was the furthest thing from gentle, pure want.  
I threaded my hands through his hair pulling him down closer to me. He pushed me back into the wall, grabbing my thighs to lift me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I unwrapped my arms from his neck and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. I didn't know how far we were going to go but I didn't care. I reached for the hem off his shirt tugging it off. Bucky's hands went under my shirt, the contrast between his warm hand and his metal hand made me shiver. Bucky's kissed down my neck making me lean the other way my gaze falling on the door, well lack of door.   
"Bucky stop, Bucky stop!" I said pulling my shirt back down. He looked at my weirdly. "The door!" He turned towards the empty space and the door on the floor.  
"Oh..." He said, he face becoming red. "Do you think any one uh saw us?" He said turning back towards me. I shook my head and threw him his shirt. Looking at the door made me angry because of the reason it was laying on the floor.   
  
"Your coming back with me, pack your bags and come on." I said sitting the couch like nothing happened.   



	10. Coming Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I missed you, I'm sorry"

I watched Bucky pack his bags and set the door back. I was still mad as hell but I was mainly hurt, it was the first time I had ever cared about a person that way and then they left. I know I found Bucky but it wasn't the point.   
We checked out and walked over to my motel and got my things, we strapped our bags to the motorcycle, this would be fun. After an hour or so we reached the QuinnJet. We settled in and got ready for the long ride.   
It was midnight so we decided to get some sleep, I tried to ignore his form next to me as I fell alseep. That's when the nightmares began and again, and then the scene of Bucky leaving replayed in my head over and over again until I managed to wake up, breathing heavily. I noticed a very worried Bucky next to me, he was here? I had forgotten that I had found him.   
"Bucky? Your here, really here?" I said quietly, reaching out to touch him hesitantly, afraid that if I touched him he would disappear again. He didn't and my heart sped up again. "Bucky, I thought, I thought you left and and-" Bucky's hand cradling my face stopped me. He was here, really here. I reached my hand out gingerly touching his face, hair, chest, making sure. Making sure he was here.  
"Elizabeth, I'm here, I'm not leaving again. I promise." Bucky said, pulling me to to lay next to him. I rested my head on his chest listening to his heart beat, trying to match mine to his. His hand lay on my back rubbing small circles. It was peaceful, I drifted back to sleep. Finally ok because I had Bucky back and everything was alright again. 

  
I woke up with a pair of arms around my waist, and someones faces buried in my hair. I was so happy that person was Bucky. I didn't move just enjoyed the feel of him. But we would be landing soon so I unhooked his arms and went to get ready for the day. I went and sat back down on the bed, it was so quiet.  
Until Bucky started whispering something in Russian and thrashing around. He was having a nightmare, I ran to the table and grab a tranquilizer dart. Just in case, I didn't want him or I do something we would regret in case he wasn't able to wakeup as himself. I carefully sat beside him and took his hand and petted his hair.  
"Come on Bucky, wake up, Bucky please wakeup." I started to shake him, his eyes flew open and he backed up against the wall, his eyes full of fear and hurt. It broke me, but I stayed where I was and waited.  
"Elizabeth? Your back? Your alive?" Bucky reached for my shirt and pulled it up where I had a new scar. "Zemo said that he-" "he wouldn't stop until he killed...you." Well that was something, but I leaned forward and kissed him softly. It had been alot these past few days but kissing him, hell being around him made it better.   
He leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist once again.   
"I missed you, I'm sorry." Bucky said breaking the kiss.   
"I missed you too, it's all I ever did and we got making up to do." I said rest my my head on his shoulder. He nodded and hugged me tighter.

In about 10 mintues we were landing so we got all of our bags and mentally prepared for the speech we would get from Morgan or Wanda or well both. Bucky slid the bags on his shoulder while we waited to reach the landing post. We stood by the doors waiting for it to open. I looked up at him and he smiled and reached for my hand which I happily took.   
The doors open and when the dust settled we were greeted by Wanda, Sam, Morgan and surprisingly Thor. Morgan ran towards Bucky and I hugging us both.   
"Why did you leave?" Morgan asked both is frowning.  
"We'll explain in a bit kid." I said rustling her hair with my free hand. Thor came next crushing me in a hug. I laughed and hugged him back.  
"Lady Elizabeth hopefully you'll tell us before you leave again?" I nodded and he turned to Bucky giving him the same treatment. Next up was Sam who gave me a hug and scolded me and Bucky before laughing and hugging us both again. When I looked up Wanda was gone. Well damn I guess I'm in trouble. 

"Wanda...look I'm sorry-"  
"You are in so much trouble but first guess what!"


	11. A New Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter!

"Wanda...look I'm sorry-" I said putting my bags down.   
"Oh yeah your in trouble, but guess what!" I looked up at her waiting for her response, her face was glowing with joy and it was nice seeing her this happy. She plopped down on the bed twirling her hair.  
"So for atleast a month I've been seeing someone and we just made it official!" She said beaming at me. Oh.  
"A month and didnt tell me?! I am hurt Wanda." I said dramatically.  
"Well I didn't want to tell you and it not work out..." I settled in with a pillow in my lap like a feeling like a teenager from the movies when they listened to gossip.   
"What's his name?"  
"Well its not a he.." Wanda said looking down. "Whats her name then?" I said waiting. She looked dumbstruck at my response but continued. "Her name is Jay, Jayden but I call her Jay and I want you to meet her." Wanda said looking at me. "Of course!" I said happily. "Well as you see I found Bucky and uh well." I said looking down.  
"You guys totally banged, didn't you? We are gonna need a new Quinnjet." Wanda said casually taking in my probably red face. "What no, we didnt! Why would we anyway?" I said looking any where but her. "Oh I don't know...Elizabeth you can cut the sexual tension between you guys with a knife." Wanda said looking at her nails. "Mhm your gonna need to cut those Wanda." It was her turn to go red in the face. "Your face now matches your hair." I said laughing and running out of the room. 

Yea she was going to kill me.  



	12. Someone New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Enjoy 😌✨

-Yea she was gonna kill me.

I rushed to Bucky's room, I was still mad at him but I'm just glad we are all back.  
"Buck? You better be in here I swear.." I opened the door slowly almost excepting him to be gone. He was sitting on his balcony looking at all of the lights. I sat beside him and stared ahead.  
"I'm sorry, I was scared of what I was feeling and of hurting you." Bucky towards me eyes downcast. "Its fine." I said staring ahead. "But I'm not scared anymore. Well not that scared" Bucky said smiling sheepishly. "Just give me another chance and I promise I won't leave or hurt you." I looked at him and he smiled wider. "Bucky..." I didn't know what to say so I kissed him instead. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him and smiled into the kiss before pulling away. "That's a yes right?" I nodded, smiling and he kissed me again.  
It was perfect, a perfect moment I didn't know I could ever have. His arms around me were perfect, the lights, the day was perfect.  


I didn't know that this could happen, I always thought people like me didn't desevere this, the smiles, the love, the happiness. But none of that mattered only this. Only him.  
A few hours later we got ready for bed and took our normal cuddling postions with his arms wrapped around my middle and my hands playing with his hair. We didn't really do anything just laid there and that was fine with me.  
"Are you sure? Are you sure you want me? I'm broken Elizabeth..." Bucky said quietly into my chest. I held him closer to me. "I'm sure I want you, all of you Bucky." 

I woke up to my phone vibrating with a call, I picked it up and answered. "Yes?" I said wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Wanda's chipper voice startled me. "Double date! I'll send you the address in a sec, also tell Bucky I said goodmorning!" She hung up before I could answer, I laughed quietly and shook awake Bucky. "Come onnnn we got a double date in a few hours." He yawned and combed through his hair. He looked so beautiful. I smiled and kissed him quickly. "I got to get my clothes but I'll be back." I said before leaving.  
I came back a few minutes with black ripped jeans and a white tie top from a bag of clothes Wanda had gotten me, I had my boots and leather jacket and a locket. I set it down on the bed and went to look for Bucky in the closet. Who was shirt-less. But that's not what stopped me. The bandage wrapped around his chest is what stopped me. "You need a shower, and your gonna tell me about that later Barnes." He groaned and nodded at went to the bathroom.  
After about 10 mintues he got out and I went to the bathroom with the first aid kit. I pointed to the counter and he sat there watcing me as I got out the bandages and cleaning equipment. I stood between his legs cleaning the wound and tried to ignore his eyes on me. "You need to take better care of your self." I stated and bandaged him up. "I will, thank you." He arms snaked around me and I looked up at him. He smiled and I thought my heart stopped for a minute. I smiled back and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Seriously thank you Elizabeth for everything." He said before kissing me. Yea, this man was going to be the death of me, but if I had to die this was one hell of a way to go out.  
We got dressed and left the tower and called a cab to the restaurant Wanda and Jay were meeting us at. I held onto Bucky's hand, a little nervous I had to admit. A couple of mintues later and we pulled up. I texted Wanda and she told us to wait outside that they would be there in a few minutes.  
A finger tapped me on the back catching me off guard, I grabbed the hand and twisted around. "Ow!" I groaned and let go. "Wanda you know its never good to tap on a trained assassins back with out warning." "I know I know. Meet Jay!" Wanda said smiling. I looked over at the girl next to her. She was a little taller then Wanda, she had split dyed hair and wore black makeup, I looked down at her outfit, black jeans with chains and a *interesting* top. She held her hand out towards me and I hesitantly took it. "I'm Jayden." "I'm Elizabeth and this is Bucky." I gestured towards him and she looked at him questionably. "You were in my history books." She stopped for a moment. "Is it true that you would take girl couples out so that their families wouldn't suspect anything of them?" He shifted and nodded. Well this was news. "So you basically looked after lesbian couples?" Wanda said equally as confused. Bucky nodded and I laughed. "Well let's go inside." I took his hand and followed the girls inside.  
After maybe 10 minutes of small talk Jay had another question/statement for Bucky. "You look like the type of guy who's phone I could get into within 5 mintues." He grinned "Jokes on you, I don't even have one." Her face took on a look of horror and we all laughed. I looked at Wanda and she looked happy so I decided that maybe Jay was alright.  
After many questions and eating we said our goodbyes to Jay and headed back.  
"Well she was nice." I said to Wanda, she nodded. "She was wondering if you two have banged yet." Wanda said looking in a compact fixing her lipstick. Bucky coughed and I looked at Wanda for a minute. " um well" I started but she just laughing. We rode the rest of the way in uncomfortable silence, well uncomfortable for Bucky and I.  
Maybe it was my turn to get revenge on Wanda...  



	13. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to something different while keeping to their characters I will probably regret writing this even though it isnt even that bad but uh hereee

-Maybe I should get revenge on Wanda...

After the ride back Sam was waiting for us. Another mission, ah yes unpleasant memories, I held tighter onto Bucky's hand while Sam gave us the run down. It was supposed to be a simple one but it rarely was. We would leave in the morning.  
As Bucky and I made our way up to his room I tried to keep the panic at bay. I thought about how long it would be until we showered or got a good night's sleep. "Do you want to take a shower?" I asked tapping my fingers against my leg. "Together? Or?" Bucky said surprised. "Sure. Why not, we might get separated during this and I just want to spend as much time as possible with you." I said as calmly as I could manage, it was the truth anyway. Bucky nodded and went to turn on the water.   
I sat on the bed thinking, I didn't feel giddy or nervous, as I probably should, but I just felt sad. Could this be the last time I held him in my arms, the last time I kissed him, the last time I saw him? I pushed those thoughts as far back as they would go.  
I walked into the bathroom thankful it had a walk in shower so no awkward fumbling with a shower curtain. I was surprised I was thinking about this then seeing Bucky nude. Bucky stood awkwardly looking at me, I closed the short distance and pressed my lips softly to his, I just wanted to be held by him one last time. I moved my hands to remove my shirt while Bucky did the same, it was weird. Atleast to me, you would think I would be...excited but I didn't, just worse and worse. I noticed how Bucky's heart beat quickened and it clicked. I pulled away and he averted his eyes. "I'm just going to guess the last time you saw someone else naked was like 1943?" I asked raising my eyebrow. He looked at me for a moment. "What about you?" I thought about it for a few seconds, I didn't remember anything from before the war so it was no for me and my cheeks heated up. "Just don't make it weird, we are two normal adults who are just saving water." I said pulling down my jeans and tossing them to the side, I turned around and pulled off the rest trying my best to ignore the man behind me. I looked up and saw my self in the mirror, I didn't look bad? I had tanned olive skin, my frame was small but it wasn't thin. I noticed my scars next. One on my rib, one on my lower stomach and a few small ones in other places. I took in my full reflection, my dark brown hair cascaded in waves down past my shoulders and my pale blue eyes made my hair look darker. My eyes drifted over to where the back of Bucky was reflecting, I saw a scar go past his shoulder blade towards his ribs.  
Well I was getting cold standing here so. "This is gonna be awkward either way so just turn around on the count on three." I took his intake of breath as a yes and turned towards him, keeping my eyes up. He did the same. "You first." I gestured towards the shower and he got in, I stepped in after him. Standing behind him, I decided to make the first move: I wrapped my arms around his middle and he relaxed into my arms, well maybe this wouldn't be as awkard as I thought. "You know part of a shower is washing your self" Yes, scratch that.   
We tried to wash as quick as possible, I just wanted to be in his arms again. I felt so pathetic really. I was a trained super assassin and here I was whining because Bucky was washing his hair and not hugging me, that was a different level of sad. I tried to ignore my sudden feelings and rinsed my hair. I stayed like that for about five mintues before Bucky realized something was wrong. "Elizabeth?" He began. "Are you ok?..." He turned towards me and waited for my answer. I didn't. He pulled me to his chest and hugged me. "Its going to be ok, we will have back up and we will be more careful about everything." He said reassuringly. "But what if something happens...what if something happens to you?" I said burying my head into his chest. "We will get through it, we always do. Now come on the water getting cold." Bucky said trying to lighten the mood. I nodded and began to move away but he stopped me and picked me up bridal style and grabbed two towels.   
I didn't want to let go of him but I had to dry off, it was getting cold. I hurried and grabbed a t shirt from his closet. It seemed so normal, like all the movies Wanda and I had watched. Where it was so simple and sweet. But I knew that we could never had that.

After we had dried of we laid down and didn't really talk about anything just let it be quiet, it was more comfortable that way I suppose. The same thoughts that had be plaguing me crawled back into my mind, and I looked up at Bucky, he was so...perfect as much as he claimed as he wasn't, the curve of his lips, the way his hair curled in at the end and the way his eyes crinkled whenever he was thinking about something or smiling. He was the only one I could be "vulnerable" around as much as that scared me. I couldn't help but love him, even though I tried not, I know I'd be lost without him. It was funny, I went from being a unfeeling assassin to being completely in love with someone and feeling every little thing I'd never felt before. I would tell him. Eventually.  
Just not now...


	14. A New Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this was a rollercoaster. :)

-Just not now...  


Early the next morning we woke up and prepared for the mission, we had to clear out an abandoned Siberian HYDRA facility, I was nervous mostly for Bucky because he was held there in the past. We packed up and boarded the jet, hoping it would all go well.  
Hours later we arrived a few miles off the base and took another small jet there. The doors were unlocked but it didn't look like anyone had been here, recently anyway. We got onto the elevator and I saw Bucky become more tense, I nudged him with my shoulder and smiled at him. Sam and Clint stayed behind up, just in case we came into contact with any more super soldiers. I looked around, it was dark and dusty, hardly a place Zemo would be hiding. Right?  
It was all quiet, too quiet. As soon as Bucky and I passed through a large door it slammed down behind us leaving Sam and Clint on the other side. They started pounding on the door, we looked around for any attackers. We were prepared for that, not the gas that started leaking from the vents. Bucky and I were immune to a lot of toxins and such but not this.   
Everything started going black and we hit the ground.

I woke up strapped to a table that was propped up facing Bucky strapped to a chair, I started panicking. What was going to happen to him? I looked around my vision still blurry. A man came in, as he got closer I realized it was Zemo and Bucky did too because he started thrashing around. I struggled to break the restraints, usually a easy task but the gas was making me weak. He stopped in front of Bucky, looking at him for a minute before coming over to me. I was even more confused, didn't he want Bucky? Isn't that the point for all of this? He tsked and held up a needle. I struggled and looked towards Bucky.   
"You know the worst pain was knowing the ones I loved died and I couldn't do anything about it." Zemo started slowly. He stuck the needle in my arm and I winced. The pain started building up, a fire started from my arm and made its way throughout my body, I couldn't focus on Zemo's voice any more. Then I felt the restraints being unlocked and I stumbled forwards before making my way slowly to Bucky determined to get him out, my vision started to fade as I reached him. Bucky started thrashing out of control. My nose started to bleed and I felt my heart rate slow down. My knees buckled and I hit the the cool floor, mumbling a "I love you" but I doubt he heard it, before the blackness took over. 

I watched helplessly as Elizabeth stumbled towards me growing weaker by the second, I thrashed around in hopes to some how break the restraints. She fell as she reached me. She whispered something before she-   
I watched as the Elizabeth died in front of me. My heart shattered into a million pieces, it felt worse the all the things they did to me. I screamed and tore out of the restraints but I was too slow, Zemo injected me with something and I too soon was engulfed with blackness.  
I woke up in the jet with Sam looking over me sadly. The pain started in my chest again. "Where is she? We have to bring her back! We can fix her!" I yelled pulling at my hair. "We have to." My voice broke and I looked at Sam desperately. "She's gone Buck, she was gone when we found you. She's gone..." Sam's voice dropped at the last part. The panic built up in my chest, no no this couldn't be true. Elizabeth was right here with me a while ago she wouldn't just be gone like that. She couldn't. Sam hugged me and I let him. "She can't be Sam, I love her." He hugged me tighter. The anger started to build up in my chest instead only suppressing the grief. I would find him and I would destroy everything he cared about. He took her away and he wasn't going to just get away with it.  
We got back to the tower and Thor, Wanda and Bruce were there. I saw Wanda's face, she knew but didn't want to believe it but once she saw mine she sank onto her knees and Bruce comforted her as to the best of his ability. Thor looked at me and the sky crackled, he gave me one of his hugs and for once I was ok with it. 

The next few months went passed fast, I woke up every night sobs racking my chest to the point I couldn't breathe. This night Wanda came into my room with a jacket of Elizabeth's and a picture of her, a black and white picture of her smiling, looking into the distance. I remembered the war and how almost every guy had a picture of their school sweetheart. Except me, I was waiting for someone special. And I found them almost 80 years later but they were taken away from me.   
I thanked Wanda and laid back down holding her jacket and the picture. I pulled the jacket closer and noticed it smelled of her perfume and I held it tighter. She couldn't be really gone. We could get her back right?   
Since the avengers were basically celebrities it was a big deal when one died. The past month most of the world has been in mourning, Elizabeth would be so mad if she knew, she would say it was a waste for that many people to waste their time for her. But I feel maybe she would be a little happy that people cared about her even though she had done bad things in the past.   
A year had gone by without her and still it felt fake like maybe she could still be here. I knew she was, she had to be. I walked into the common area and saw Sam, Wanda and Clint looking attentively at the television, I looked over Wanda's shoulder to get a better look. The television was set to the news and it read "Congress Board member associated with S.H.I.E.L.D assassinated leaving board meeting." I blinked. Wanda switched the next news channel that was going over forensics. "A untraceable 7.62×51mm." It was a Russian sniper that fired that, I knew it. But that meant?  
There was a new, me...?


	15. Elizabeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do be leaving things on cliffhangers, enjoy 😌✨💕

-There was a new me..?

Now what I meant by that is because only Hydra Russia used those same untraceables, I used them, Natasha used them. I wanted to believe it was Elizabeth but I couldn't hold up that kind of hope when I will probably have to, terminate that threat.   
Wanda audibly gasped and we turned our attention towards her. "She's alive." We all knew who she was talking about. "Wanda what do you mean, how do you know? Are you sure?" I questioned sitting beside her. "She looked past me and nodded. "We need to call Thor, Bruce, Sharon, Hill even Fury. Call a conference Sam. Now." Wanda said. Sam nodded and left the room.   
A few hours later we all sat in the conference room waiting for Wanda to begin. "For the past year I have been trying to pick up on some energy from her because I couldn't believe Elizabeth could be dead. Well she was to far away I'm guessing but today I felt her. But it wasn't xx mean the last year we have dug our noses into every bit of Hydra and Shield information we could get, and if shield has the hydra parasite again the hit is coming from higher up." Fury sighed and we turned towards him. "God damn it." He pulled out a picture of a man I knew by the name of Alexander Pierce, I clenched my fist together, I remembered him, he "aided" in my torture and brainwashing. But we couldn't convince the higher ups to have him dealt with. "Its him isn't it." I said cooly, Fury nodded. Well now we just had to wait. Yea no if Elizabeth was alive I was going to find her. I looked at Sam and he sighed and nodded at me, he knew thought I was going to look for her anyway, atleast he was going to help.

That night after everyone was asleep, Sam knocked on my door. I opened it to see Sam...and Clint? Well more help I guess. I let them in and they loomed around. "Dude why are Elizabeth's clothes in here and why is-" Sam cut off moving away from the chair with Elizabeth's things. "I don't know but are you going to help or not?" I asked, tense. I didnt need them to know why her um clothes were in my room. Clint set down a laptop and look over the recent news articles, before checking into some weird Russian website. "Luckily for you, when I was a agent they taught me the fun skill of computer hacking. And Nat helped me." He smiled at the end, I sat beside him my eyes skimming over the screen. I didn't understand much but I was fascinated by it all.   
A few trying hours later we were able to get into a Russian hydra database, I stood to the side translating for them. Until a few words stood out: солдат meaning soldier, в Америке meaning in america, Нью-Йорк meaning new york and новый зимний солдат meaning...new winter soldier. This meant I was right and Elziabeth was in New York! I was more excited then ever but then it dawned on me, she wouldn't just be my Elizabeth anymore she would still be in a winter soldier state of mind.   
"To find her or have better chances anyway we would find a agent that is undercover for hydra." Sam chipped in, Clint and I agreed in unison. I thought back to a previous mission where there was a agent on a ship who definitely shouldn't have been there. I thought of his name. "Uh uh Agent...Landon? I believe that was his name anyway." I said hoping that Clint knew who I was talking about. He did and he got to work on find his next location.   
Agent Landon was going to be at a Congress meeting in DC tomorrow, that was our chance, possibly our only chance. It was going to be early in the morning so we were going to try to get some sleep.

The next morning before anyone was awake, we got ready and headed out, we knew we had a limited time before Elizabeth went back to Russia and we had to hurry. Clint sat in the back working on a laptop trying to get any hits or whatever he said, that would help us find her. And we did.

We found her.


	16. Winter Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So hii I really wanted to do a winter soldier take on this but ah I hope you like it ✨

\- We found her.

Sam, Clint and I had a limited time before Elizabeth would be back in Russia, time that was running out. We all sat in the car waiting for the next move.  
"I found Agent Landon, he should know where she is, he's at the DC congress building now, wait the board meeting is almost over, we need to hurry." Clint said turning his focus back on the cameras. I nodded towards Sam and he made a fast turn. "You know if we can't bring her in peacefully we will have to take her out, with tranquilizer or something different." I knew what Sam meant and I gulped, my throat suddenly dry. I knew there was a slim chance she would even remember us, me. I thought back to when we had fought and my past with hydra: she would be speaking Russian if anything and she would possibly be wearing a mask. I wondered how many times she had been in out of cyro and brainwashed, what if she forgot me? Forgot us? I stopped my self there, it was selfish. Her life was in danger and I was wondering if she still remembered me.  
  
Clint watched from the roof and I stood near Sam in case something went wrong. Sam sent the signal that the Agent was leaving the building and began the call with him, the call linked to our comms so we could hear the call. "Yes, who's this?" "Come up to the roof of the hotel next to you, if you know what's good for you." I listened to the exchange. "Who is this?" "That's a nice tie, be a shame if it got ruined." I watched as the man looked down to his front and saw the red sniper dot. "Alright alright!"  
I made my way up to the roof and waited with Clint. A few mintues later a more then nervous Agent Landon got pushed through the door by Sam. I tried to keep my emotions in check but the way he just smiled when we asked where Elizabeth was just made something go off. I grabbed the agent by the collar and pulled him to edge. "Where is she!" I said pulling him closer to the edge. He just smirked "You wouldn't do it." He said obviously believing his self. "That's not really something you should say to the Winter Soldier." I said lifting him up slightly, he continued: "Maybe was, but we have a new one and damn she's good." That caught me off guard and I let go much to Sam's dismay. "God damn it Barnes!" Sam said before jumping to save him. They didn't hear what he said.  
  
We rode in the car with the agent on the way to a hydra base. I couldn't stop thinking about it. They were turning her into me, well a very different version of me. Elizabeth would be better too, more training and more serum. More power.   
"Alright here's what's going to happen, your going to let us in and then maybe we will take care of you. In a more pleasant way." Sam finished. "Hydra will kill me, it doesn't like leaks." Before Sam could reply there was a loud thump on the top of the car. Two bullets shots went into the back seat, one killing the agent, Clint moved before he could get the same fate. I thought fast, and moved mine and Sam's head away from where the bullets would come. "Pull on the breaks!" Clint yelled and I grabbed the switch. We got yanked back but the person on top the car went flying into the road. And caught themselves with their hand. They stood up and before we could see who it was a van hit the back of us and we started flying down the highway towards the person. I thought we were going to hit them but they flipped over onto the car, they boots shattering the back window. We couldn't stop the car, we heard another thump and a surprising small hand smashed through the windshield and grabbed the steering wheel ripping it off the post. We swerved. "Hold on!" I grabbed Sam's shield and slipped it over my arm, grabbing on to Clint and Sam, I pushed open the door as the car flipped, we skidded down the highway and Clint rolled off, once Sam and I stopped I handed him the shield and jumped behind a car to try and get a better look at the attacker. It was a woman, all black leather outfit, gun holsters strapped to her thighs and a knife. She had black goggles and a black mask on, her hair was out and it looked longer and darker, but I knew it was Elizabeth. Before we could make any move she was handed a weapon I recognized right away. Kasket, and before I could say anything she shot one directly at us.

Sam blocked it will his shield but the force caused him to go flying back, I pulled out the gun I had and tried to get a shot in her leg. But she was quicker and shoot at me first. I ducked behind another car as the other one shot up into flames. They handed her a automatic weapon and before too long the shots were being directed at me. I had no where to go and I had a limited clip. I remembered the grapple Sam had given us and waited until she shoot again and jumped. I jumped off the side and shot the grapple out, as soon as I touched ground I started running, until I saw her shadow waiting from the top of bridge, waiting for me, I ran around the toppled van and tried to get a clear shot, I took it. It hit her in the goggles hopefully not hurting her. She ducked behind the side and a few seconds later emerged shooting at me with a different weapon, I tried to get a shot again but no luck, I tossed my gum to the ground and took off running again. But thanks to the serum, I heard her. "я позабочусь о нем." It sent shivers down my spine and I ran faster.

I heard her jump, destroying the car under her. I pulled out my cell phone and pressed play on the audio recording and tossed it under a car to hopefully distract her. I hide behind a different car and waited I didn't have to wait very long before she came walking down the road in search of me, she heard to voice and I watched as she bent down and took a compact grenade out and rolled it under the car. She backed up waiting for it go off when it did and no body came she looked down confused, I took that chance to come out and kick the guns from her hand. She flipped around and kicked my leg out from under me taking that opportunity to flip onto my shoulders, squeezing me with her thighs and a piece of a cord that she had pulled against my throat. I slipped my under the cord and grabbed her legs flipping her off and onto the side of a nearby car, she grabbed her gun and I knew I would regret it in a few seconds but I threw a little disc that would have the same effect as a taser onto her arm and ran.   
I ran and ran yelling at the civilians to get out of the way, I ran until a shot rang out, and hit me in the shoulders, my knees hit the ground and I pulled my self against a car and looked around for her. She came up behind and and stood up on a car with her gun right at me. I had no other options, that was until Sam came running at her with his shield and she turned and punched it, I sat helpless for a moment searching in my pockets for the shot that would neutralize the pain for a while, I stuck it into my leg and turned back to the scene unfolding. She had grabbed his shield and threw it back at him, he caught it but the force of the throw pushed him back and she shot him, in the arm and that's when arrows started landing beside her. Clint. Clint ran over to Sam to help him get away, nodding at me. I ran towards her but she caught my arm right before I could punch her, she pushed me back and grabbed another gun, I slid behind the car and grabbed Sam's shield and threw it at her. She caught it of course and launched it at me, I ducked and it slammed into the toppled van. She ran towards me but I kicked her back and she toppled over the car, picking her self back up in seconds, I watched as she pulled out a knife, I was frozen as she came at me, she kicked me back into the van, going to stab me but I lifted my arms up and grabbed onto her wrist, she kneed me in the stomach and tried to stab me again but I ducked my head to the side and she pierced the car instead, she dragged the knife against the car hoping to hit me. I hit her in the side and she stuttered back. She didn't waste any time before flipping the knife and throwing it at me, landing beside my head. She came at me again and I grabbed onto her arms flipping her over, she caught her self before her face could make contact with the pavement but her mask was knocked down, she looked at me and I stopped. "Elizabeth?!" Her face looked confused for a second "кто, черт возьми, Элизабет" (who the hell is Elizabeth) I made a move towards her and she pulled a gun going to shoot me before someone shot a grenade at her. Sam. The smoke cleared.  
She was gone, but if I had any doubt it was long gone. It was Elizabeth.

I heard the sounds of jets and looked up to see hydra agents landing, I was still frozen is place and didn't make a move even when the pulled my hands into cuffs and shoved me into a van. I thought about it, it suddenly hitting me like bricks.   


After two years we found her, but   
how would we get her back?

I remembered him, I remembered the man on the bridge, the one with blue eyes and a metal arm, I didn't know why but I remembered him. I stared at the wall waiting for the man to come in, they called him Alexander Pierce. They called me unstable, I had thrown a doctor into a medical cart and tried to strangle another. They were trying to hurt me again when I started remembering.  
He came in and started talking to me but I didn't listen until he hit me across the face. "I knew him, the man on the bridge." I said quietly hoping he'd understand. He sucked in his breath and stood up. "Prep her." "She's been out of cyro too long sir." "Wipe her and start again." He said and left the room. I was pushed back and the restraints locked, I opened my mouth for the teeth guard I knew was coming. I heard the machine cracking beside me and I closed my eyes tight waiting for the pain that always came. The device closed around my head and zapped me until I forgot everything. It all went dark again.

We stayed in van for almost a hour riding on our way to death most likely. "Sam, its her." He groaned beside me catching my attention, he was bleeding out, I was shot too but I could take it, he however could not. "He needs a doctor. He's going to die!" I said looking at the masked agents, one of them pulled out a taser baton and I backed up, then they flipped it around and hit the the other agent with it, then elbowed them in the chest and kneed them in the head, the other agent slumped against the ground. We all looked in shock. They took of the helmet and groaned. "God that thing was squeezing my brains." It was Maria Hill. We all shared a breath relief. 

She pulled the van over and took us to a hidden car and we drove the abandoned warehouse. Clint and I helped Sam to the medical center and waited for Hill to start talking, there was a knock and Wanda came in. "Wanda what are you doing here?!" Clint yelled/whispered at her. Wanda just pulled out a folder and handed it to him. 

We made another plan, we were so close to getting her we couldn't give up. A few hours later we got a hit on suspicious activity involving S.H.I.E.L.D and Hydra, it was the helicarriers. "They have targeted over 3 million people, in order to stop this we need to access the data port, its on the outside, all you need is to replace one card on all three. Hill slid three cards on the table we all but Wanda grabbed one, we convinced her to stay with Hill for back up. Sam was going to be able to come with us anyway. After fixing my shoulder we had to go.

We snuck onto S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters and made our way to each helicarriers , unfortunately for us they were taking off, I waved off Sam and Barton and ran towards the dock. She would be here but I had to stop this first. I snuck behind the crates and made my way towards to carrier. I got to just as it was taking off, I grabbed onto it and lifted my self up. Looking at the disappearing ground. I climbed my way up to the data port wary of Elizabeth. I heard a thud but kept climbing, I was almost there. I made it up and switch out the cards crushing the other one between my fingers. A shot rang out beside my head. She was here, I ducked down and try to find her but I couldn't. "Once the last card is in the helicarrier guns will turn on each other and destroy the other, try to get off before that." Hills voice rang in my ear. Another shot went by head as the helicarriers lurched forward and I tumbled off the data port onto another level. I searched around for her as more shots rang out, always missing me. I backed up. Backed up right into her. Elizabeth flipped onto my shoulders once again and I fell backwards in attempt to get her off, she just squeezed tighter. I grabbed her arm and launched her forward into a column. She grunted and pulled another gun, but the helicarriers fire began and we were launched foreward once again, her falling on top of me, I grabbed her arm and twisted, she yelped in pain and I tried to block it out of my mind, she grabbed her knife with another hand and cut me before I could stop her. She twisted her arm out of my grip and flipped onto me, resting on my chest. She had no mask on this time and it made it hurt the worst, I knew I wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore so I hoped words would help.   
She raised her fist up and delivered blow after blow. With the strength I had left I held onto her arm. "Elizabeth please! Please remember me!" She dropped her arms and held her hands over her ears. "I don't know you!" She yelled I'm English this time. "Yes you do! You love me! Its Bucky, please remember!" She screamed in frustration and hovered over me again, resuming her punches. "Your. My. Mission!" She screamed between punches. "Then finish it, because Elizabeth I'm not scared anymore, I love you." I said in hopes she would remember. Her hand stopped and I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her lip was split and she had a cut on her eyebrow and had bruises... Right where I once had them, I felt my heart crack as I remembered what she had gone through, same as me.   
She looked at me, her blue eyes full of pain and and before any of us could say anything, the helicarrier lurched forward harshly once again and then I was falling. Falling into the water below us, I didn't want to die this way but I couldn't pull my self up out of the water. 

Atleast she knows I love her.

I watched as the man I remembered fell into the water, and suddenly I was jumping in and pulling him out, I felt so weak as soon as I pulled him onto the shore I passed out beside him. Helpless and vulnerable barely able to think about the consequences. But I remembered. If only a little bit, I still remembered.

I remembered.


	17. Remember?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a major case of writers block but I tried, also and I think maybe the next chapter will be happy :) Also this will be Bucky's pov

I remembered.

I stood outside of the room, looking through the glass waiting for Elizabeth to wake up, I should be happy right? I had her back but she wouldn't remember me, god I don't know why she even saved me but I was glad she did. I looked back at Elizabeth, her face and body were covered with various cuts and bruises, although they would be healed very soon. Her arms were in restraints in case she woke up in the winter soldier state of mind. I knew regardless she would be scared when she woke up. My thoughts drifted off to Elizabeth and before all of this, I was so distracted I didn't hear Elizabeth waking up.   
"Помоги мне, пожалуйста!" I snapped my head forward and she looked dead at me and said "Джеймс" James. She never called me that, but she remembered me, I opened the door and rushed into the room. "Elizabeth? Please, you remember me?" She nodded slowly, "голубоглазый солдат, я помню" blue eyed soldier, I remember you. I was confused at why she responded only in russain but I walked slowly to Elizabeth and she pulled as far away as they restraints would let her, I winced as she pulled away me.

I remembered the солдат soldier but I wasn't sure why, he came closer to me and I pulled away tugging at the restraints. He kept say Elizabeth but I didn't know why, soon a few other people came in and the panic rose, I couldn't get away. He nodded at me reassuringly, not doing much though. They exchanged in English for a while before the blue eyed man look distressed and pointed at me, the other man with glasses, pinched the bridge of his nose and continued before the blue eyed man agreed and turned to me.   
"Elizabeth there is a way to get your memories back but it will hurt." I pondered it for a moment, I would remember who I was and who he was. I nodded at him and waited. They all left the room and came back with some clothes which the blue eyed man sat on the bed, I gestured towards my restraints and nodded, "Don't try anything please, I don't want to have to hurt you." He said and left. I proceeded to put the clothes on, scanning the room looking for any way to escape other then the main door. There wasn't any. A few moments later he came back in and explained that I would get a reverse brainwashing and if I wanted to remember more then just the past year I would have to be done twice. I nodded again, I wanted to know why I remembered him, why I used to see him before I got brainwashed again. He stood up and held his hand out, I glanced around and took it cautiously.   
We walked down long hallway filled with people and I felt underdressed, in a small top and loose pants. We got in moving box and went down until the doors open and there was a chair surrounded by machines, I walked towards it dutifully and sat down knowing what to expect, he looked at me from afar with sad eyes before they begun the process.

The restraints clamped against her wrist and they put the teeth guard in her mouth, the machine started whirring and came closer to her face as her chest heaved in fear. It touched her face and her screams began, it was just like brainwashing just different, it took everything I had to not shut it down. I looked back at Elizabeth waiting for it to be over, trying to block at her screams but I heard Джеймс James and I knew she remembered at least me. The first session was done but I heard her yell "Продолжай" she wanted to go on, I nodded at Bruce and he flipped the switch for it to continue and she clenched her jaw to try to mute some screams but they still tore through her throat.   
It stopped after twenty mintues and by then I was so close to breaking the machine. But it stopped and I rushed into the room next to Elizabeth, her whole body was shaking and she had her eyes tightly closed. "Elizabeth?" I whispered, not really expecting her to answer. "Bucky?" Her eyes snapped opened and her jaw clenched. The restraints unlocked and I held onto her hand, "Yes I'm here? Do you remember?" I asked. She just looked at me and nodded slowly. "Джеймс, Bucky?" I nodded quickly and smiled at Elizabeth. She looked around, and then nurses started coming in and she looked at me, worried. "Its ok, they just want to make sure your ok, I promise." She watched as a nurse checked her vitals and poked her with a needle. "Its just pain medication, it will help with the after effects." The nurse reassured Elizabeth. The nurses left, and I reached for Elizabeth's hand and she jerked away. It hurt, but I had to remember that it would be this way for awhile, until she knew she was safe.   
I lead Elizabeth to her room. "This is where your room is, you used to sleep in mine, but I have a feeling you won't be for a while." I smiled sadly and she nodded and closed the door behind her.   
  
I hope she remembers soon. I hope she still loves me.


	18. Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I didnt know how to end the chapter, but anyway enjoy.

I hope she would remember soon.  


I shut the door and searched the room and locked the windows and doors before sitting on the bed. I tried to think, I knew that I remembered him, I also remembered a girl with dark red hair named Wanda, a little girl named Morgan, a girl with my black and blonde hair named...Jay? Yes that was it. I vaguely remember a man named Thor, a man named Sam and a man named Clint. I couldn't exactly remember alot about them, but it was probably from the massive headache building up. I grew tired and almost fell asleep but shook my self awake and checked the room again before settling back on the bed.   
I couldn't sleep so I decided to actually look around and inspect things, I looked through the drawers and the pictures before making my way to the closet full of my clothes im I'm presuming. I looked at a few things that I knew I must of worn before, I saw a larger shirt that couldn't have been mine. It smelled differently from my other clothes, it smelled....safe. Everything looked so unknown but familiar, I knew it would come to me soon though. I laid down and stared at the ceiling, some one had painted stars on it, probably me. I heard a thud and quiet tears muted by the walls. Bucky. Somehow I knew it was him. I remember him, I remember that I care about him alot. I remember that I feel safe with him. Well safer at least. I wouldn't tell him though, because I don't know if he remembers it the same way I do. I wondered if I should go check on him, if he would even want me to. I pushed that out of my head and quickly padded down to his room.   
I knocked twice and the door open almost immediately. I took a step back and peered at him, his face was tear streaks and red, where he had tried to wipe his face. He looked a mess but I still felt like he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.  
"Elizabeth?" His voice shook me from my thoughts and I nodded, I remember that being my name. He sighed, relieved almost, it seemed. I looked around him. "Can I come in?" He nodded and moved, I looked around before walking in. He shut the door after me and sat down and patted the spot next to him. I scanned the room and sat down. "Are you ok?" I asked looking out the window. "I don't really know how to answer that." That took me off guard. "Why not? Are you injured?" I asked, looking at him now. I didnt want him hurt. "No, well not physically I guess you could say." He tapped his metal fingers against his leg, grabbing my attention for a moment. "Can you tell me more?" He reached for my hand and I jerked away. I saw the hurt in his eyes and it hurt me, also. "I'm sorry, I just-" I was at a loss of words honestly, I couldn't seem to find the words that describe the way I feel. He sighed dejectedly.  
He met my eyes again. "Do you remember? Do you remember me or us...?" He got quiet at the last part. I closed my eyes and tried to think. I know I care about him, that I would risk myself for him. It hurt to think to much. I realized I left us in silence and began to speak. "I remember you, I know I do. I remember your eyes, I remember that I care about you....No I know that I love you." I breathed out, it made sense. I looked around the room again, I remember this bed, the man in it. I remember feeling safe with him, being able to let my guard down with him. I waited for him to speak.   
"Really?" I nodded and waited once again. "Well I know that I love you." I smiled at the ground, hearing him say that, made me feel something I hadn't felt in a long time. "Can I hug you or something, please?" I nodded, and turned towards Bucky. He looked at me before wrapping his arms around me. Some how I felt...safe. I know that I had felt safe with him before but I knew it hadn't have happened in a long time. I hesitantly leaned closer to him. "I missed you, more then anything, I wondered everyday if you were ok or still alive." Bucky's voice filled with pain at the last part and I winced. "I'm here now." Was all I think to say.   
"Do you want to stay or leave?" "Can I stay?" "Of course." I checked the room and locks before laying beside him, I knew I wouldn't sleep but it was ok.   
During the night I thought about Bucky, slowly it was all coming back. I looked by the window and I remembered what he said.  
"I'm not scared anymore...well not that scared. But Elizabeth I love you." "I love you too and I always will Buck."   
I looked at the closer door and remembered that too.  
"Your beautiful..scars and all. We all love you Bucky, all of you." "Really?" "Of course, would I really lie about that?" "Yes" "Shut up and come on."   
I laughed quietly, the laughing shook my body and I winced in pain, the after effects more prominent. Bucky rolled over onto his stomach and slung his arm of my waist, the cool metal startling me. After I got over my initial shock, I relaxed and traced my fingers over the metal plates. I felt like I had done this a million times before, maybe I had. I pulled my hands away and studied them, I had a few small scars on my hands, I tried to remember how I had gotten them. Bucky's arm tightened around and pulled me to his chest. I wondered if he was still asleep. Indeed his was. My hands went to his hair next, I threaded my fingers through the dark brown locks and again it felt so familiar. I played with his hair for a while before I grew bored. My fingers traced the planes of his shoulders, I looked at his left shoulder and saw the scars where the metal meet flesh. I gently traced around them, how Bucky was still asleep surprised me. He turned to his side, but kept his arm around me. I studied his face, he looked so peaceful when he slept. I remember this, well something like this. The first time I came down here, he was having a nightmare and I stayed with him.   
Eventually at some point I drifted off to sleep and Bucky woke me up. As he tried to wake me up, I twisted his arm in a motion to break it before I realized where I was and let go.   
"Um sorry." "It's fine. Are you hungry?" I nodded and I took his hand. "Do you want to change or something?" I nodded again and went straight to his closet and grabbed a shirt before walking to my room. Bucky didn't try to stop me so I assumed it was ok with him.   
I looked around my closet and found some black pants and slipped them on. I pulled his shirt over my head and breathed in. It felt safe almost, maybe comforting. I walked into the bathroom, I saw a brush and brushed through my hair. It was down to my waist at this point. I looked through the cabinets and found a toothbrush and scissors, I brushed my teeth. The scissors would come in handy soon I felt.   
I looked at my self in the mirror and grimaced, there were bruises on my cheekbones and forehead from the machines, I looked tired and my lip was split. I tore my eyes away from the mirror and went back into the closet to find some shoes. I found a box and read the side "Doc Martins" I opened it to find some black boots that looked a little worn. I guess I had worn these alot, I grabbed some socks and slipped them on. I went back to the mirror and tucked my shirt into the front of my pants and pulled it loose. I looked normal right? How I would've? I walked over to a dresser with jewelry, a separate tray with a black strap bracelet and locket. I put on the bracelet and opened the locket before slipping it around my neck. It was a small black and white picture of Bucky but from a different time. I closed it and finally left.  
I walked down the halls and really looked at the pictures and art. Pictures of a little girl littered the walls. Morgan. I saw another picture and everyone in it looked so carefree. I studied the faces and found mine, but with a smile. Someone's arms were wrapped around me in the picture. Bucky. That shook me from my trace and I walked back to his room. I knocked and opened the door. Bucky was coming out of the bathroom, he stopped and looked at me. "So thats why you took my shirt." I nodded and sat down. He didn't seem to have a problem with that and walked back into the bathroom and brushed his hair. A few minutes later he emerged.   
"Ready to go?" I nodded and he held out his hand which I took. We walked down the hall, hand in hand. This felt normal, like we had done this hundreds of times before. We walked into a dinning room, where everyone sat. Although I remembered everyone, my heart still started to beat through my chest and I scanned the room from a exit route.   
"Elizabeth! Your back!" A hush fell over everyone and I looked toward the voice. Wanda. I studied her for a bit before she spoke again. "Its Wanda, you remember me right?" A look of hurt etched her features. "Yes I remember you, I remember all of you." I said carefully. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and they all started talking to me at the same time, panic started to rise in my chest as I couldn't contrate. Bucky understood what was happening and pulled me closer to him and started whisper/yelling at the team. "Can you all be quiet!" Bucky hissed out and I covered my ears. Sam said something and Bucky growled, yes literally growled at him. I tensed and clenched my fists: a natural reaction in my state. Wanda's accented voice rang out once more. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry, also nice accent." I relaxed my shoulders and turned, I nodded and tried to smile. Bucky leaned down and whispered to me and I followed him into the kitchen.  
"Hey, hey it's ok." Bucky's hands cupped my face and I looked up at him, truth be told I was scared, scared that I wouldn't remember everything. I nodded and turned to grab some water and headed back to my room. I couldn't be around these people so I might as well go train or something. I went back and found something to wear and pulled my hair up.   
I found my way to the gym and hooked up a punching bag. I started calmly but then I started getting flashbacks of the bad stuff.   
"Mission report? I said misson report now!" "I knew them, the people on the bridge." "Prep her.".   
They kept coming. I felt the times I was hurt by them, like it was happening now. I remember the times I would remember Bucky but everytime they brainwashed me again and then he was gone again, for two years. I remember the faces of everyone I hurt, killed. I remember them all.   
My punches got harder and the bag flew off the hook, I looked up, still consumed by my thoughts. I wanted to run, run away and not come back, I couldn't trust my self but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't leave everyone, I can't leave Bucky, Wanda, Sam. I can't leave anyone.

I just couldn't.


	19. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that wait, and Avengers movie night makes me soft. Also some aou inspired parts.
> 
> Elizabeth starts to remember and someone's birthday is coming up.

I just couldn't.

I sat down on the floor with my head between my knees, trying to calm my breathing. It was going to be ok, everything was going to be fine. I tried to think of more positive things, I thought about Bucky. I thought about his smile, his laugh, the way he seemed to make everything better. I thought about Wanda, the way she always had time to listen and help me, the way she always smiled at me.   
My breathing calmed and I stood up, I went to go retrieve the bag. I slid it back on the hook and went back to the common room. I could do this, they wouldn't hurt me, they were my friends.   
Wanda and Sam were arguing over something, movies. Thor and Clint were gone. "Oh hey Elizabeth...we are doing a movie night, do you wanna join us?" I nodded and smiled. "Where are the others?" I asked and Wanda smiled, "Thor and Barton are at the store getting snacks, Steve and Sharon should be getting back from a year long mission tommorow, Bucky's in his room and Morgan is at school." "Oh, ok. I'm going to go shower." Wanda nodded and started talking to Sam again.  
I shut my door and leaned against it, letting out a long breath. The flashbacks were coming back and I raked my fingers through my hair. I noticed a newspaper on my couch and picked it up. It read: "New Winter Soldier?". It was a picture of me, my face was covered, my long hair blowing in the wind. I threw it down and went to the bathroom. I leaned against the sink. "I just wanna feel something." I whispered to myself. I looked in the mirror and grimaced, everytime I saw myself I saw a part of hydra. I looked around and saw the scissors. I looked at my self again. I pulled a section of my hair to the front and I cut it. Tears started to well up in my eyes and cut another section, I cut until my hair was a little bit above my shoulders. I set the scissors down and looked at my self again, I smiled painfully. I didn't look like the pictures anymore. I looked at my hair again and cringed, it was all choppy but that ok.   
Elizabeth? We called for you, Thor and Barton will be home soon and- Elizabeth your hair?" Wanda gasped, I turned around and smiled meekly. "Can you help me fix it? Please." I asked quietly. "Of course! It will be shorter if thats ok?" I nodded and Wanda picked up the scissors and got to work. I waited as she trimmed my hair.   
"Done!" I looked up and my hair stopped at the middle of my neck. "Thank you!" I said, smiling now, I looked so different. I saw less of Hydras puppet and more of me!  
"Wait, what will Bucky think?" I asked urgently. Wanda rolled her eyes and smiled. "Elizabeth, that man is in love with you, nothing could change that, not even a haircut and besides I think he will like it. Now get in the shower." She turned to leave. "Wait, um Wanda can you please stay or something, sit on my bed? I won't be able to keep watch and-" "of course, I'll be here when you get out." "Thank you." Wanda smiled and went and sat on my bed. I cracked the door and started the water. I stepped in shower and washed my hair and rinsed all the hair that clung to my shoulders off. I thought about Bucky, to try to keep the flashbacks out.   
I turned off the water and grabbed a towel. I looked in the mirror once again, my brusies were fading thanks to the serum, I looked more "alive" from the shower. I stepped out of the room and did a double take when I saw Wanda, I had forgotten that she was there. She turned around when I gasped and she laughed quietly. "Just me." I nodded and went to the closet. "Hey I'm going to get everything ready, is that ok?" Wanda called and a responded with a yes. I pulled out a t-shirt and some shorts. I towel-dried my hair and brushed through it.   
Someone knocked on the door and I went to open it. "Hey can we talk?" Bucky's tall framed leaned against the door. I nodded and moved aside to let him in. I shut the door and turned back to him. Bucky was looking at my hair, he reached his hand out and touched the short ends. "You cut it." "Yea, do you like it-" "Yes, I love it." "Thanks." I smiled.   
He sat on the bed and I sat beside him. "I miss you." Bucky said looking at me. "I'm right here?" "I know, I mean I miss holding you, talking to you, just being with you. And I know thats selfish, I'm sorry, I know you need your time." He put his head in his hands waiting for my response. "I miss you too. I remember so much, about us, you, everyone else. I remember everything that we did and I wish it was like that too, I'm just scared. I'm scared that it's going to be taken away from me." Bucky took my hand, and held my face in his other. "I know, but it's ok now, I promise I will not let them hurt you again like that, no one will." I smiled.   
"I know you won't." I pulled both of his hands into mine. "But sometimes we can't help it." I let go of his hands and he looked at me confused before I pulled his face towards mine. I put my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled, I remember this all too well.   
Sadly though the need for oxygen overpowered everything else and we broke away, but Bucky kept his arms around me. "We need to go see everyone else." Bucky groaned and leaned into my shoulder "Do we really though?" "Yes." "Finee."  
Bucky stood up and held out his hand which I took. I let go of his hand to lock the door and when I turned around Bucky was looking at me. "What?" I quirked an eyebrow. "I need to kiss you again. If that's ok with you?" "Oh, yea that's-" Bucky pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips to mine. I threaded my fingers through his hair, an action I've done many times.   
"Hey guys it's- Oh my god!" Sam's voice was unusually high, I pulled my face away from Bucky who now was whispering "not so nice words" about Sam into my neck. "Um hi Sam?" I smiled awkwardly trying not to laugh. "You know what? I'm not going to say anything. It's time for the movie...if y'all are even interested in that any more." Sam turned and left. "Bucky..." "Yes?" "We have to go." "Ok." I turned to leave and next thing I know I'm being lifted over Bucky's shoulder. "What- Barnes!"   
"Yes Elizabeth?"  
"Put me down."  
"Hmm I'm good."  
"I swear-"   
"Mhm, you swear what?"   
I groaned and started swatting his back. Bucky started laughing and continued down the hall. "You know I can pick you up Barnes?" "Oh I know you can."   
We, well Bucky walked into the living room and I could feel everyone's eyes on us and I just knew Bucky had a smug ass smirk on his face. "Barnes.." "Yes, doll?" "Oh you wanna play that game." I crossed my arms over his shoulder, I knew he wouldn't drop me.   
"So are you guys going to join us or just...stand there?" Sam said probably judging us, lets be honest. "I see that the sexual tension has not been resolved." Jay said laughing. "Jay!" Wanda yelled before bursting laughing. I hide my face in his back to cover up my bout of laughter. Bucky stuttered over his words and set me down.   
"Thank you!" I huffed and patted his shoulder. Sam rolled his eyes and Clint awkwardly smiled ahead. Thor chuckled and set his hammer down on the table.   
"Friends! I propose a game!" Thor said loudly and Clint groaned. Bucky and I turned our attention towards him.   
"Lets see who can lift my hammer!" Thor grinned and everyone started talking about who could. "Why don't you start Sam." I smiled and Sam didn't look amused. "Yes do try!" Sam sat up and stood over the hammer. "I hate you guys." We all laughed. Sam gripped the hammer with both hands and pulled up- it didn't move unsurprisingly. Bucky and I stood back while everyone else tried. Jay plopped down on the couch with her arms crossed. Wanda laughed and her arm around Jay. "Why don't you try Soldier of Winters?" Thor asked and Bucky looked at him. "We already know thats not going to work." Bucky said but went over to the hammer and put both hands around it. Wanda was still talking to Jay, but Clint and Sam had their full attention towards Bucky. I stood beside him and watched. Bucky pulled and you could hear the metal whirring from his arm, he pulled harder- and it moved. Thor instantly got quiet and looked closer. The hammer had only moved a little but, Bucky let go and held his hands up. "Nothing, I told you." Thor chuckled nervously. "How about you Lady Elizabeth?" I raised an eyebrow, "Mhm we all know." Bucky looked at me and smiled. "Come on Elizabeth, I tried." I rolled my eyes and braced my leg on the table, wrapping my hands around it and pulled, it scrapped against a table and I quickly let go. "I just moved the table, chill Thor." Thor laughed and picked up the hammer with ease. "I have a simple answer, none of you a worthy." Everyone let out a series of annoyed noises and Thor laughed.  
"Come on guys time for the movie. Also where is Bruce?" Sam asked and Thor went to go get him. A couple of minutes later Thor and Bruce came.   
Sam quieted everyone down and we all took our places: Wanda and Jay in the huge recliner, cuddled up, Thor and Bruce shared a couch, Clint and Sam sat next to each other and I sat by the arm of the couch and Bucky had his head in my lap and I played with his hair. Bucky wrapped an arm around my leg and everyone got comfortable. The movie begun and we all got passed our snacks.

A couple hours later the movie ended and Jay took a cab home something about how it would be hard to sleep in a tower full of Avengers. Whatever that meant.   
After we said our goodbyes to Jay, and she left Wanda turned towards us. "So everyone, tommorow is Jay's birthday and I really wanted to throw her a party!" Wanda said excitedly. Thor grinned, "I can bring my Asgardian wine!" "Thor no, regular mortals can't have that, remember what happened last time?" Clint said quickly. Thor laughed, "What about Barnes, Rogers and Lady Elizabeth? They aren't regular mortals!" Clint facepalmed and Thor summoned his hammer and walked out the door, "I shall see you later friends!"  
He called and we heard thunder crack and he was gone. "Well, Wanda what do you need us to do?" 

Wanda smiled, "Well here's my plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thing for Bucky and Elizabeth being able to move the hammers- even a little bit is, the bad things they did was when they had no control over it, and they wouldn't have done it if they had control over it, so they aren't bad people, and they don't generally do "bad things" unless it would help the mass of innocent people. But they probably aren't able to actually lift the hammer or anything.


	20. Party?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hii, this chapter is for my best friend (who I based Jay off of) and it was their birthday and well I made this, and of course we have the other stuff :)
> 
> Enjoy!?

"Well here's my plan." Wanda grinned

Fast forward a couple hours later everyone was rushing around getting the party ready. And if that wasn't enough Sharon and Steve came home. 

I was on Bucky shoulders putting up streamers because for a reason beyond me, Wanda would not give me the ladder, when Steve and Sharon pushed the door open and alerted everyone they were home, loudly. I knew who it was, it was just the yelling that made me tense up.   
  
"Hey guys...Elizabeth your back! And on Bucky's shoulders." I nodded and tried to smile. Bucky moved to shake Steve's hand, as they were unable to hug. "Bucky! The streamers!" I cried out and Bucky quickly turned back. "Thank you."   
  
A hour later everything started to come together and it looked really nice, black and midnight-purple streamers adorned the ceiling, the was a red tinted lights everywhere. Wanda moved a large banner over the walk in. People started moving food in and Wanda directed two people with a large cake box. I nudged Sam, "I wonder how Jay will feel about this?" "I'm sure she'll like it and besides she should get comfortable here, she'll be spending alot of time here now, if she says yes." I turned towards Sam, "Yes to what?" He patted my shoulder, and walked off. That was strange, I walked over to Bucky and hugged him from behind. He was hanging up ballons per Wanda's request. He put up the last one and turned to hug me back. "Hey. Are you doing ok?" I nodded in his chest, "Just scared for the night." I mumbled. "It's going to be ok, I promise." I hugged him tighter before Wanda rushed up. "Elizabeth! I need your help!" I turned my head towards her, still holding onto to Bucky. "I need you to get everything else ready, while I go get Jay, we won't be back for a couple of hours because she wants to take me somewhere. Please?" Wanda pleaded as if I would say no. "Of course, I will get it done, just tell me what you need finished." I answered. Wanda wrote down a list and handed it to me, before rushing out the door. I groaned and pulled away from Bucky. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head.   
  
I got to work on the rest, I hooked up a hardrive with Jay's favorite movie to the DJ system they just happened to have. I finished with the last and looked at everything. It looked great. "Ok everyone we have 3 hours until Wanda gets here, go take a nap or something." I called and Sam, Sharon, Clint and Bruce all went straight to their rooms, Steve tagging behind Sharon. 

I looked at the guest list, wow Fury and Hill was on it, not that Fury would come but I wondered why. Before I could ponder that thought longer Bucky came up behind me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "I missed you." He said into my hair, "It's been an hour." "I don't care." I hugged him back. I was nervous about the party, loud music and flashing lights? Yeah probably not the best thing for me. I was also nervous for tonight and that Jay wouldn't like the party, although we hadn't really interacted that much, I still thought she was pretty cool and I could tell Wanda really liked her. She was good for Wanda, and Wanda was alot happier with Jay so that was good.   
  
Before I could think about this any longer, Wanda texted me, luckily I was able to remember my phone password. The message said she would be here in an hour and for everyone to put on something nice. I told everyone and Bucky followed me to my room.   
  
"What should I wear?" I knew that I obviously liked black and my closet was full of that. I poked around for something like I would like. "You look beautiful in anything." I smiled, "Thank you." I found a bag, with a little tag on it, stating it was from Wanda. I opened it and started going through it. It had a couple of black dresses but I didn't really want to put one on, I found a black bustier type top and some black leather pants, I have alot of black clothing. I grab the boots I had worn before and I went to the bathroom to go change.   
  
I looked in the mirror and smiled, everyday I kept seeing more of my self and less of Hydra. I washed off my face and brushed through my hair. I walked out and Bucky's breath hitched. "Are you ok?" I asked smiling. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?" I turned towards the table with my jewelry and put the locket on and and some earrings I thought would go with my outfit. I found some makeup and looked carefully at it, two years since I applied this. I looked in the mirror and tried my very best to put some mascara on and I put some tinted lip balm on. "Hmm what about my hair?" 

I looked around and found a basket labeled hair, that was easy, what wasn't easy was doing my hair, I pulled out a hair straighter and carefully did my hair, since I had short hair it only took me ten or so mintues. 

I turned towards Bucky again and he smiled at me. "You look amazing." "Oh come on we have to go get you ready." I grinned and took his hand. As we were leaving Bucky leaned down and kissed me. I smiled and kissed him but pulled away quickly. "Bucky, Wanda will be home in like 30 minutes, she will kill you if your not ready." Bucky nodded quickly and started down the hall to his room.   
  
I went into his closet and this time he stood behind me, with his arms wrapped around me. "Bucky, my hair." He laughed and moved his head to my shoulders. I looked around and found two silk button up shirts, looks like Wanda had done the liberty of shopping for all of us. I showed them to Bucky and he picked the black one. He pulled out a pair of black dress pants and shoes. I sat on his bed while he went to change.  
  
It was quiet, eerily quiet, I started to think, what if some one was here, what if some one hurt Bucky and that's why he was quiet. I tired to push those thoughts out of my head but they became too much, I knocked quickly on the bathroom door and thankfully Bucky pulled it open, I peer around him, just to make sure. "Are you ok Elizabeth?" I nodded, "Just checking." I let Bucky finish and he opened the door. Saying he looked breathtaking was an understatement.   
  
His clothes fit perfectly, his hair was pulled in a low bun, with a few strands in the front free. "Do you like it, I remember you saying I would look cute in a bun so I tried, I'm not very good at doing my hair though." "You look great, more then great Buck." He grinned and I went to hug him.   
"My hair." Bucky mocked me and I laughed, "Shh."

I looked at the time and panicked. "Shit, Wanda will be here in less then 10 mintues." I ran down the hall and into the elevator. I may have left Bucky very confused in his room but Wanda is gonna kill me. I ran down into the large party room and made sure everything was in order. People were unwrapping the food and setting it in its place. I turned on the lights. "Wait does any one know where Thor is?" As if on cue, there was a loud rumbling sound and a minute later Thor walked in the door with his arm around a box.

Thor set the box down on a empty table and set down another gift, "What's that?" I asked, curious. "An Asgardian bracelet, molded with sliver and black stone." I nodded, the rest of the gifts were on the table already. I looked around and although it was a big space, it felt cramped for me. I looked around for Bucky, and I saw him talking to Sam. 

"Um places everyone? Wanda wanted this to be a surprise party for Jay and they will be here any minute." I shushed everyone and and Wanda would be here in ten minutes, I hope I did everything right. "Friday? Is Wanda here?" I asked, "No ma'am, I estimate Ms. Maximoff will be here in twelve mintues." I nodded and looked around. 

Morgan and Pepper came rushing up the stairs and set their gifts down and stood to the side. I heard the elevator coming up and I grabbed the remote that would turn off and on the music, I switched the lights off and everyone was still. 

The elevator door opened and I quietly counted down, and I knew they heard me. "Three, two....one." "Suprise!" We all called out in unison, and some one screamed out, and it wasn't Jay. I switched on the lights and music and everyone all said happy birthday to Jay before enjoying themselves. I walked up to Jay, hand in hand with Bucky.

"Happy birthday!" I smiled and hugged Jay briefly. I looked at Jays outfit, a black satin dress that reached her midthigh, paired with ripped fishnets, and few chains and boots similar to mine. "You look nice, I hope you like everything." Jay smiled and I left Jay and Wanda to talk. 

A couple hours later, Fury and Hill came in, Fury sporting his usual attire but Hill had a pretty light orange top with black dress pants. I saw Fury go up to Jay and my curiosity got the better of me and I followed close behind. I don't know what i expected him to say but "Nice to meet you Jayden, I don't usually come out and do this but, I have a job for you, if you would like it." Was not one of them, Jay's eyes widened as she listened to the director. Fury explained the he had heard about her technical skills and she would be a value to the team. Jay nodded and agreed and Wanda smiled and hugged her. 

I smiled, that meant Jay could spend more time with Wanda so Wanda would obviously be alot happier. Thor called me and Bucky over to join him, in some Asgardian drinking, I shook my head and laughed, I would prefer not getting drunk. Bucky how ever was curious. 

An hour or so later Jay was ready for the cake, I remember her saying "This isnt the only cake I want but it will do." As she looked at Wanda. Well then. Everyone crowded around her and started singing, tried to follow along but a part of me forgot a little of the song. After Jay decided that she would just try to put out the candles with her fingers much to Wanda's dismay, Jay opted to fanning out the candles instead. Wanda smiled at Jay and hugged her tight, and then planted a kiss right on a complaining Jay, "Why are there so many candles woman, I'm not this old." And Jay kissed her back and everyone cheered including my self. It was nice seeing the both of them happy.

Hours later and the party started to wind down and Jay and Wanda decided to go watch a movie, while all the others continued talking. I shook her hand and welcomed her to the team. "Looks like we will be seeing more of you?" Jay nodded, "I sure hope so, wait I mean why would I want to hang out with you losers." She rolled her eyes teasingly and I laughed and told her and Wanda goodnight.

I glanced at Bucky who was across the room and he looked hurt, I went to move towards him. But before I could Bucky was rushing to his room. I stopped for a moment, confused and followed behind him. 

It took me a bit longer since I had to wait for the elevator to come back down. I rushed to Bucky's room afraid he was hurt. I pushed open the door quietly and spotted Bucky on his bed, back towards me. 

"Hey what's wrong Buck?" I asked taking his hand in mine. He struggled to find the right words, it seemed and looked at me for a moment before speaking.

"What if some of my family is still alive?"   



	21. Beck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What if some of my family was still alive?"

"What if some of my family was still alive?" 

I didn't really know how to respond to be honest.

"I mean I heard Pepper saying Tony will finally be coming back so since we are on better terms I could always ask him if he could find out?" Bucky rushed out.

"Oh ok. I'm sorry, I hope they are. I hope we can figure that out soon Buck." Bucky nodded and stood up and started walking back and forth.

"What if there is none? What if theres only one and they are dying? What if they want nothing to do with ms? What if-" Bucky was running his fingers through his hair, something he did when he was nervous.

"Buck, hey it's ok, it's going to be ok. Let's just see what happens ok?" Bucky nodded and we got ready for bed.

Bucky was more calmed down but my anxiety only grew every passing second. But even people jacked up on the serum get tired.

I slept for maybe a couple mintues? Before the nightmares started. I remember not completing a mission and them, Hydra hurting me. Over and over again. It wouldn't stop. 

Someone was shaking me awake, I jerked up and grabbed onto the arm and gripped tightly. My eyes adjusted in the dark and I saw my hand wrapped around Bucky's metal arm, applying enough pressure to break bones, I shuddered when I thought what would have happened if it was his other arm.

I let go and felt instantly horrible. 

"I'm so sorry Buck." I shouldn't have let my self be close to him during this. 

"Elizabeth, hey its ok, you didn't hurt me." Bucky reassured

"But I could of." I looked away from Bucky and I could tell he was staring at me.

"What if we go sparring or something like that? So your too tired to dream? I think Steve said that once." I nodded and changed.

We walked down together and I keep distance between us, I wanted to be close to him but I still felt horrible for what I had done.

Bucky switched sides with me so he was on my right. 

"Now will you hold my hand? You can't hurt this hand." I nodded and took his hand. I smiled to myself, just a bit.

We threw some punches at each other, the other easily dodging. Bucky threw a punch beside my ear and I grabbed onto his arm and twisted around so my back was against his chest and flipped him over my shoulder. He landed on the mats with a thud. Bucky was surprised to say the least. Oh yeah, I gotta teach Wanda that or someone atleast.

"Hey!" Bucky tried hiding his smile but it came through. I helped Bucky up and we got back in a fighting stance.

"I'm not going easy on you any more now."

"Didn't ask you to Buck." 

I went to land a kick, which I knew he would dodge but instead Bucky grabbed my leg up and I fell on my back. 

"Hey! No fair!" I laughed and he pulled me up. 

"Get what you give." I rolled my eyes and we continued.

  
We kept it up until the sun started to rise and we were sweating.

"Truce?" We shook hands and walked out of the gym. 

I woke up to the sound of a little girl, Morgan, talking outside the door before coming in and rambling on about Tony being here

Morgan ran out and told us she would wait for us outside.

Bucky was already in the closet changing so I went back to my room to go get ready.

I changed into a black cropped top and black leggings, something simple and I could always throw on a jacket if needed be. I put on my normal boots and brushed my hair and teeth.

I went down the kitchen forget that everyone would be there. Everyone would looked up at me and I waved and internally cursed at my self. Did I-

I didn't remember meeting Tony but I guess I had previously because he greeted me by name. 

A couple hours later Bucky and I went to Tony's office, Bucky was a bit nervous. He didn't know if Tony would agree or even want to help. But neverless I pushed open the door and Bucky followed.

"Hey, I have a question. I have been thinking about it for awhile. Do you think you could see if I have anything living family left." Bucky looked at the ground, I didn't know why he was so nervous I guess we could talk about that later.

"Oh. I didn't expect that. But why not." Tony shrugged, that was easy enough right.

"Friday, pull up any files for persons with the last name 'Barnes' that have relations to James Buchanan Barnes." Bucky flinched at the use of his first name. A screen popped up in midair and my eyes widened. Wow. It was almost translucent. 

One name. A seven-teen year old girl, living here in New York maybe twenty minutes away. She had no parents or legal guardians. Well. Bucky looked very torn.

"Can I meet her? Wait do you think she will be scared of me? Would it be weird? What if she moved in?" 

"Why not, I'll get Coulson to go get her, if she wants to come. He owes me a favor anyway." Bucky's eyes widened. I tried to suppress a smile, I'm happy for him, he deserves this but it was all left up to the girl.

  
Well the girl, Rebecca had agreed to come and Bucky on the edge of his chair while he waited. I heard the elevator doors coming and he did and we stood up and waited. Tony leaned against the table and poured himself a drink.

A pretty young woman walked in very nervously. She had Bucky's and his sister's dark hair but it had dark auburn streaks blended in. She had similar features and her eyes were blue but more green, maybe from her mom? We saw pictures of her parents and her mother had bright red auburn hair and green eyes and it seemed she got most features from her. Either she was very pretty. And very nervous. Hell I would be nervous too.

Rebecca looked us up and down for a moment. 

"Well you can tell who's top." Rebecca said aloud and as soon as her face turned red I knew she didn't mean to say that. I laughed and her face relaxed a little bit.

"Are guys just going to stand there?" Tony asked and poured another drink. 

Bucky held out a hand and told her his name. "James Barnes but call me Bucky please."

Rebecca Barnes but call me Beck." She smiled.

I looked out the window and got distracted as they talked about family things? 

"I think these would be yours?" Beck handed him dog tags and a ring. Bucky turned them in hands and gasped. 

Bucky grinned at Beck and then to me. He handed the dog tags back to her.

"I don't think I will want thoese for awhile, keep them safe?" She nodded and put them back on her necklace. Bucky turned towards me.

"This is the ring my mother had, she was going to give it to who ever got engaged first." He smiled down at the ring and then smiled back at me. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. 

Bucky finally set me down and kissed me which I quickly returned. Beck looked around for Tony. Tony who was rolling eyes and drinking something.

Is this, is this allowed?" Beck asked and Tony groaned in response and poured another drink.  
  
Well one thing is for is sure, Bucky is being heavy with the pda today

Bucky turned his gaze back at Beck and looked at me for a moment before looking at me.

"Wait, Elizabeth! Can we have a kid? And it's a girl can we name it Rebecca or Winifred?" He asked, grabbing my hands into his. Um what? Whoa. This was alot.

Tony let out a loud exhale, "Oh god." I on the other hand was momentarily shocked.

"Winifred? If that's your mom's name, we are going to have to update it to modern times, and did you just ask if I wanted a kid?" I looked up at him and the red tint in his face returned. I laughed and he smiled at me.

Yeah we are gonna have to talk later.

So Beck was going to moving in and Bucky was pretty happy, they talked for a while and I was pretty bored so I got my knives and cleaned them. I wasn't being scary.

That's not what Wanda thought when she walked in, she started putting my knives in the covers and I grabbed my smallest and slipped it in my pocket.

After some convincing I agreed to shopping with them which is a decision I would come to regret. Too many people, too much open space, crowded exits. 

I got up to leave and Bucky pulled me back down and started peppering kisses on my face. I laughed but I needed to leave. Beck and Wanda ran to the elevator and left.

I pulled my self up and smoothed down my hair. "Why are you being like this? I mean I love it, but it's not how you usually are." I asked confused in his change.

"I...had a nightmare that I lost you. But I woke up before I woke you up." Bucky said quietly, I felt instantly bad and sat beside him. I had been so worried about my self that I forgot to see if Bucky was ok but when I got back I would talk to him about that.

"Hey we will talk about it as soon I get back ok?" He nodded and I kissed him quickly and got my jacket.

I pressed the elevator button but it was still going down, yea I didn't have time for this. I took the emergency stairs and ran as fast I could, why? So I could get back sooner, I was regretting agreeing but I couldn't back out now. 

A soon as I reached the last stair they were waiting for me. I had to give it my self though, ran down thirteen flights of stairs and didn't break a sweat.

I asked to drive but Wanda strongly vetoed the idea and I got in the passenger seat. We all talked for a bit and Beck seems uncomfortable. I would too if I was stuck in a car with people I barely knew.

A while later Wanda pulled into thee biggest store I had ever seen. God there was going to be so many people. We all got out and Wanda drug us inside.

We mainly followed Wanda around until Wanda wanted us to into some under wear store. No thank you. Fortunately Beck shared my thoughts and Wanda agreed to let us go somewhere else.

Maybe two hours later we got home and I was very tired, I blame all the walking. I guess mallshopping can wear even me out. Bucky and Tony were waiting. And of course Bucky had to ask what the pink bag was. And as soon as Wanda answered Bucky looked away. 

I noticed Beck was uncomfortable, but she was hiding it pretty well, I wondered what was up. Wanda told Beck that she would come get her for dinner and Beck left. 

Wanda and Tony left and it was just Bucky and I. I sat beside him and scooted away. That was weird. 

"Buck? What's wrong? Are you ok?" I asked trying it get him to look at me. 

"I just keep thinking about what you said about how you almost hurt me but I keep thinking what if it had been me, I could've hurt you. Even when my nightmares were worse you stayed and I didn't, I don't deserve that. What if I had another nightmare and something happened and I went into...What if I hurt you or worse?" He paused, not looking at me. "I hurt so many people Elizabeth, and everyday I'm reminded of that, and I don't know how you still love me." 

"Bucky? Don't do that to your self, you do deserve happiness and someone that cares about you and I love you no matter what, I thought you knew that." I did my best to reassure him and he relaxed a bit so it worked a little. I noticed the time.

"Hey it's time for dinner, how about we talk more about this later?" Bucky nodded and we went to go meet the other Avengers. 

Bucky and Steve hugged longer then I personally thought was necessary but they hadn't seen each other in a while. Tony had gotten pizza, "best pizza in Queens". Beck and Wanda came down for some and left.

After a while it was pretty late and we all headed to our rooms, I had to get up early to start training for Beck. I could teach her that trick, if she could even through a punch that is.

A little bit later I was laying with Bucky and I could tell something was wrong but I didn't want to bother him. 

"Elizabeth? Are you sure I'm enough?" Bucky didn't look at me and moved a little bit away. 

"Yes, I'm sure, I will always be sure. It doesn't matter what Hydra made you do, not to me. I know that you aren't a bad person and that you would have never done that if you had a choice." I pulled Bucky closer to me and we were silent for a little while.

"If someone would have told me that I would have to wait this long to fall in love I wouldn't have believed them." 

"Neither would I."


	22. Hi! Update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read please ☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎

Hey everyone! I have been thinking about this alot, I hate the way I have moved the story along and have been debating starting over on it, and I decided I will! I will leave this story here for people who still want to read it and share a update on here when the new story is posted, it will proably be under the named "Brainwashing, love and whatnot" or just "Broken Lovers 2.0". I hope you will enjoy my new version of the story!  
Thank you! ♡︎シ︎♡︎


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update!

Hey! My new story is up! It's under the name "Brainingwahing, Love, And A Bit Of Deja Vu" give it a read and maybe kudos? Thank you!


End file.
